To Understand

When we express our feelings to someone, we should be able to expect a safe place. We should, theoretically, receive understanding. Many people mix this up for agreement in mindset but that’s not necessarily it at all. To understand is to slow down listen, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and empathize. Allow yourself to feel what they must feel and have a conversation about what that looks like to them. You don’t have to agree, you simply need to show that they are important enough to empathize with.

However, far too often we tell people they are wrong for their feelings, try to convince them to think our way or end the conversation out of offense. We forget that not everyone thinks like us; they don’t have the same life experiences to build upon. We are not the litmus test for wrong or right and scripture warns us about how the spirit of offense will cause us relational troubles.

It’s crucial that we be open to feedback and other mindsets and perspectives. And if we want intimacy with others, we must be willing to hear them out. After all, isn’t that what we would want? Wouldn’t you want to be understood and heard rather than quickly dismissed as unimportant? Do you have people who do this to you now, or do you do this to others?

Nothing brings people together like the humility of understanding. Take a step down off of the need to be right and seek first to understand. Make sure your actions reveal your intentions and then offer your perspective and feelings in love. You’ll be much better received.

Boundary Lines

As I journey through the boundaries course, it's growing me. I am learning that I can maintain my peace without being drug around by the storms around me. I can have someone very upset with me in a very controversial situation and still manage to have self control without partaking in unhealthy responses or in fear. I can maintain a calm and respectful tone while keeping a firm handle on my boundaries and stance. I can say "No, you can't treat me like this" to those I love dearly while modeling what that treatment should look like by how I treat them as I reply. I can set firm restrictions on what will and will not be done within my property lines and actually follow through.

I'm growing, but I am not perfect. I do not have this nailed down like a hurricane is on it's way, believe me. But this growth is significant for me.

I used to talk myself out of these things because I had been convinced 1. The behavior and thoughts of others steered mine 2. I had no control over how people treated me and 3. it was unChristlike to set these limits.

Boy, was I wrong. As I revisit this stuff, I realize, this is what we are called to do, not to be a bunch of codependent enablers who whine to God about a person as we continue to enable their behavior while preventing them from facing true consequences. "God, please help them to see the light. Oh wait, I have made sure they won't. They are comfy in their actions." Of course He allows us to face consequences for our actions, so why do we protect others?

Many marriages and relationships fail because of poor boundaries on one or both sides. Many times people believe they ought to be able to trample all over a person's property lines but this isn't scriptural. We are each responsible for our own happiness and peace, our own heart, our own relationship with God and others. If we don't protect our boundary lines and guard what we let in, it will impact those things. We may also let out some of the good things as well.

We have to stop finger pointing, pick the responsibility for ourselves up off the floor and carry it. Yes, we need help with our burdens from time to time, but we cannot live our lives blaming others for what we have allowed to trample our fences and destroy our crops. We cannot steal the crops of others either. IF they offer it, so be it, but we ought not live our lives eating the crops of others without offering others some of ours as well. Therefore, we must guard and nurture what's inside our property lines well. Boundaries are important in order to live fruitful lives.

If you feel fruitless, start by examining your boundary system.Are you mostly either a giver or a taker? Do you have trouble with the word "no"? Are you a people pleaser?

Listen to me when I say this - You are loved by God even when things don't go your way, even when you say no to others, even when they are mad at you. Your value doesn't change based on how often you get your way or give others theirs. Start by reminding yourself of that! Be patient with yourself as you journey through learning how to do this because change is a process. Habits are hard to break and new ones take time to form. He loves you as messy as you are now. He loves you right where you are.

Changing Us

We can't change people. We say that all the time. But many of us don't live like it. I really struggle with it. I am a codependent, recovering of course, but these patterns are hard to break. We want to fix everything because we think its our job. We think if we hang on long enough, say or do the right things, we can get through to them.

But what if it's us that need changing? What if God just wants to teach us to let go and give to Him what only He can change? What if it's up to Him to judge a heart and even when one hurts us and we can't make them care, we give it to Him to settle and heal? What if that person who hurt us needs us to get out of the way so they can hear Him and not us- because He knows how to get into a heart and He knows how to bring perspective to both divided people so that they understand one another. He knows how to bring compassion, repentance and forgiveness. But then, what if that takes years, or doesn't happen in this lifetime? Can we learn to trust God with it like we tell others to do?

As a fixer, I have learned that I've been playing the wrong role all these years and it's time to let go. I've brought so much stress and anxiety into my life by usurping my responsibilities. Letting go is a MUCH harder role to play and it requires more trust. It challenges every single piece of my theology. It uses every muscle I have.

If I am honest, I don't struggle with what to say, so I have to work on keeping my mouth shut and staying in my own lane. But I am worn down and I needed to get here to accept this new role. And you know what, it's a much more peaceful one. I think I'm going to get better at it with time and practice and it can only help my relationships. It's a win-win, right? How about you? Are you worn down yet?

A Battle Won With Encouraging Words

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. John 6:63

We all have certain things that have been spoken over us- some good and some bad. Our minds, however, have this ability to focus on one – usually the negative things that have been said. And those words will drive what we believe about ourselves, our abilities and how we live our lives. It will shape us. It will determine whether we like what we see when we look in the mirror. But we need to be reminded of the positive things. Our minds need constant renewing and reminding so that we have the whole picture and not just the part the enemy wants us to see.

 

For years, I believed that everything spoken over me was negative except that I was smart. I, however, wanted to be lots of other positive things like pretty, likeable, creative and loveable. But I didn’t believe those things were true about me. I believed the good things about me stopped with smart. I remembered being told as a child that I was ugly, unlikeable, and hard to relate to. I now believe the enemy began working very early on me, telling me how I was merely a “statistic”, and that no one would ever be able to relate to be so I should “keep to myself and “keep quiet”.  Words certain people said seemed only to confirm it. 

However, over the years I had forgotten that positive things has also been spoken over me too. The Lord has been fighting for me all these years. I have not been alone. I have been allowing my focus to be on the negative things alone, ignoring the positive so much of the time. My mind had a filter that was filtering out the good and that filter needed to go. 

 

What got my attention on this matter is a recent incident. While talking to my mom recently,  she said something that stopped me in my tracks. She said, “You were such a sweet little girl…” I got stuck on those words. I never thought anyone ever thought of me like that! I was struck and encouraged by those words! I have often wondered if anyone ever saw me in such a sweet way that I see my girls, and my mom confirmed it without even knowing I questioned it. 

Fast forward to this week- while battling the enemy’s lies I approached my pastor about praying for me. As he prayed, he spoke scripture that reminded me who I am in Jesus. He built me up without really knowing the details of my struggle. The Lord is so good to use others to meet our needs, to work the kinks out in our mind and force out the lies of the enemy. I was and am adored. I was a sweet and loved child and not for once, even then when the enemy whispered in my ear, was I never alone. And neither are you. 

 

The enemy works hard on tear us down. He knows our deepest struggles and just how to get to us. His favorite tactic is to corner us, get us alone and tell us lies. It's important that we know and remember the truth. It does us no good if we can't recall it! 

 

I encourage you today to remember the good things. Write them down if you need to for such a time as the enemy’s schemes. But don’t settle for the negative. The positive words will win you the toughest battles and the Lord will provide you plenty of nurturing and soul nourishing words for those moments. Make it a point to remember them. 

Learning to Like Yourself

We, as a church body, have been long delivering the "God loves you" message, while in many instances, at the same, also delivering the, "God doesn't like you and it's a sin to like yourself" message. And in many circles, we still do this. The messages are contradictory to God's word and to the whole "God loves you" message. In all due respect, it has to stop.

I am not a theologian. I am not a preacher. But I do speak on experience as a child of God who has learned to like myself. I also speak on the truths learned from the Holy Spirit's interaction in my life. I used to wreak of self hate. I don't know how I made it thus far trying to disguise it. And so many people are still doing it, wondering why their lives are so miserable.

I learned insecurity at home but the church confirmed it for me through the tone of condemnation, lack of understanding towards one another, overwhelming judgment and then of course the huge amounts of codependency. We don't love ourselves well, as a whole in the church. I really think subconsciously we believe it is a sin. Or maybe we are simply mistaking humility for self hate. But the true reveal comes through when we don't love others very well at all. After all, isn't that our ultimate calling?

The Lord has really pressed on me a need to see myself through His eyes, learn to like me and appreciate who He made me to be. I didn't get it at first. I was afraid it would make me arrogant, and I will admit that it is a careful balance. But it is a whole lot better to know who you are, and to be able to love you when it seems the rest of the world doesn't. Now, I am not talking about becoming a recluse, but about learning to take care of yourself instead of expecting everyone else to do what you can. Of course, it is nice to have them there but people have their own burdens to carry and we have to offer them grace when they can't be there for us.

We simply don't talk enough about the good things God says about us. Here are some I refer to for my own encouragement.

 1. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. I Peter 2:9 - You read it for yourself, you are chosen for His kingdom. You are called to live, talk, think and believe differently as His kingdom is your home! You are His!

2. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
You as a citizen of His kingdom, are an extension of His love, His ambassador. You get to share it with everyone in the simplest of ways.

3. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:-1- 2
When you fall, you get to get right back up. His grace is that good. He wants to see you succeed. There is so much freedom in second chances. Don't take it for granted!

4. For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
You have been given power, love and self control. Love offers freedom of choice, and is never fear driven. Wherever there is fear and intimidation, the enemy is at work. Keep an eye out for fear and call it out.

5. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Phil 4: 13
I know many of us have heard this a lot but it should never lose its importance. When we are weak, He is strong. He gives us what we need. He promises. We just have to keep pressing forward.

6. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Mat 5:14
You were made to endure! You are stronger than you think, because of who your God is. If we do not press on, for how should we encourage the world. But if we do, how glorious a story our lives tell about our God.

7. For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Gal 5:13
You are free! Jesus did not just die to forgive our sins, but to allow us to live our lives in full freedom to follow Him, not men. We often get the two confused and believe that the rules people set for us are Gods. It is important to know the difference. It is important to know who God called you to be as well and to stand strong there.

8. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. Lev. 26:13
You are worth fighting for. You may not be an Israelite but this scripture still applies to you. You are called to stand tall and walk with your head held high, thankful for the God you serve.

8. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19
He enjoys you! Yes, you!

Why is it important that we believe this stuff? Well, we have an enemy and many of you have seen him active against you already. If you can't stand firm about who you are in your own mind, he will tear you to shreds. His greatest battle is in your head. You have to learn to like and love yourself in order to win those battles. Last, but not least, consider those who are fighting battles right now and need encouragement and love. If you are strong and secure in who you are, you're more likely to be able to call out the good in them and encourage them, preparing them for the battlefield too. If not, you will be too stuck on you - your sadness and your needs to notice.

In order to do any of this, to like or love you, to like or love others, you need to see you through the eyes of Jesus.

Through the Eye of a Needle

So many of our sufferings seem so unbearable. We have no idea how we're supposed to get through them, much less come through the other side with a heart that honors God. That's the true challenge of it all, isn't it? Not to survive, but to maintain a pure heart, free of lust, bitterness, selfishness and strife. But how many of us, being honest, can truly say we have escaped all life's struggles without falling more than once?

I've been through a recent season of suffering myself, and I'm honestly not sure if it's even over yet. I entered it strong and ready, like an able warrior. But after several rounds, I began to grow weary and sway from side-to-side. I began to grow tired first physically, but later emotionally. Somehow in the midst of months worth of hurricane force winds and rain that left me soaked, I simply took on the "beat down" stance without noticing. I feel like I hut the ground as hard as Goliath already but the bizarre thing is that I'm still standing. It's all by God's grace. Despite this nasty storm, He has been so good to me.

There is no shame in hurting. We have to stop pretending we don't hurt so much to one another. I catch myself doing it. We can't be a community if we aren't able to be honest. God can do some amazing things with our pain, together. He loves for us to share our stories, good and bad. Pain is where kindness, compassion and love are built in the hearts of the hardest. But somebody's got to be brave enough to be vulnerable.

No pain is ever a waste on God either. even though it feels like we're that camel going through the eye of a needle, some real, live miracles are happening in US as we live. For instance, through all of my pain God did some amazing things. He turned some darts meant to kill into weight-lifting sessions for my spiritual growth. He:

Strengthened my heart

Grew my ability to see spiritually

Sensitized my spiritual feelers

Taught me tactics with the enemy

Helped me know when to let go 

Shed me of some heavy chains

Taken me back to past hurts

And healed them

Brought forgiveness 

Loved me when I continued 

to make bigger messes

Reminded me that I am His 

No matter how much I mess up.

Taught me not to give the enemy's noise

More attention than it deserves.

I won't lie, I struggled to feel loved during this season and I have struggled with bitterness as of late. But my God hasn't let go of me once. And He won't let go of you! 

Our sufferings hurt. They are hard to endure. But we were not meant to go it alone.

Mission #1 - Dealing With Ourselves

Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. Job 11:18

If we stand back and take a look, it will become obvious, if it isn’t already, that the majority of the church struggles with insecurity. I started making that observation about the time the Lord started calling me to make some bold moves to outgrow my own. When I realized it wasn’t just my problem, but a widely spread one, I knew this mission I was being called to is about becoming a warrior and inspiring others to as well. Without addressing those insecurities, we will never come to our “promised land’.  And we won’t win any battles with the enemy because He will always play on our insecurities.

 

Confidence in who God made us to be, and His reliability to catch us is more than the simple "believe in yourself" inspirational quote leads us to think. True security not based on us or our abilities, but on the God we serve and His view of and love for us.

The problem is, many Christians confuse security with arrogance. Or they simply do not see a value for it. But the truth it, our spiritual side works with our physical and emotional. If one part of us isn’t healthy, it will impact the whole. It will affect our ability to see, hear, sense and speak. God created the whole being, not just the spiritual, and He appeals to all aspects of us as He speaks into us and reveals truth by uncovering lies or ignorance. You see, His concept of health and the world's are two different things, so we need Him to keep us on His path. 

When we react or make decisions in fear…when we hide or cower…when we pretend…when we are dishonest…when we don’t believe we have a purpose or gift..when we make excuses, we are insecure. When we cannot manage to love other people, we are insecure. When we feel numb or crippled by the lies that we cannot move forward, we are insecure. When we enable bad behavior or defend our own we are insecure. And let's not leave out the insecurity revealed when we have unrealistic expectations on ourselves or anyone else. 

The only way out is to be in relationship with God and let Him teach us how He sees us. That's where the way we see ourselves is changed. Without God the Father, Jesus and His Holy Spirit, we'll never have a healthy view of ourselves. We can’t speak it into others until we accept it for ourselves. And we sure can’t impact a world we are too afraid to live in.

 

We were meant to stand strong, as believers of God, but standing on our own isn't strong. There is nothing attractive about insecurity. It ruins relationships and pushes people away. And the world will not want what we have if we, ourselves, aren’t confident. 

It doesn't happen overnight; it's a process. Confidence, or "Godfidence" is composed of both transparency and humility. That might sound contradictory to what you're try to obtain, but, in fact, is key. We have to be willing to let our walls down and truly see ourselves, limitations, strengths and all. We can’t change until we do. We won't lean on God consistently without both. We need Him to expose our insecurities and heal us from them continually. It’s when we think we can do all this stuff on our own that we become arrogant and prideful. Both of those are simply masked insecurity.

 

For me, this journey He put me on for emotional health has changed the way I interact with Him. It has also give me healthier relationships overall. It has lowered my defenses, enabling me to truly hear what I need to hear. It has also given me a keener ear into the needs of others. On the same hand, it has cost me a lot...a lot of uncomfortable moments of standing up, speaking up and disturbing the unhealthy facade of peace. 

 

God will use even one emotionally healthy person to help others. He will use them to call others into accountability in a loving way that motivates but does not cripple. Security is the call to freedom from lies and unhealthy entanglements. Freedom is where we live fully as who we were created to be- blessing our God the most. 

 

Come

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of his mercy
As deep cries out to deep

--From the song "All Who Are Thirsty"

 

Some of you  have been told that you’ve got to get it together to come to Jesus. Maybe you’ve always thought He doesn’t want you because you aren’t “churchy”.  You think you’ve got to fit in with the church goers you know, but you don’t. Perhaps you carry a burden that you thinks makes you too messy for Him. Or maybe you believe it’s too late for you, that you’re too far gone and stuck in your ways. But none of that is true. You, just as you are, are what Jesus wants. Your aches and pains, loads and messiness do not take Him by surprise. Without the mess, none of us ever learn to depend on Him and trust Him. And we will never know what healing is like if we’re “perfect”! He didn’t come for the perfect, but the messy.

 

He didn’t come to make the morally upright more right. He didn’t come to help us follow the rules. He didn’t come to beat  you over the head with the threat of punishment, but to offer you another way – a better way! He came to offer you security, permanent and true. He came to offer you forgiveness from all the stuff you’ve done and grace for what you will do still. He will deliver and bring you right into your true purpose. He wants a relationship with you that Is free from barriers caused by a hard heart, shame, bitterness, judgment, self hate or the hate of others. He will set you free from them all as you journey with Him.

 

He won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, granted obedience it a choice and love always offers one. But you’ll find that His way always ends better than yours. He won’t make you act, look, dress and think like your fellow believers. We’re all created to express an aspect of His vast creativity and we are never more unique than when we follow, listen to and interact with Him. Whatever you inherited from your Father will come out in relationship.

 

Jesus never expected perfection from us. He came because, without Him,  we cannot experience freedom in order to truly live out our time here with purpose. He came because He loves us too much to see us live in shame and condemnation and with hard hearts that separate us from truly hearing from and interacting with our Father. He doesn’t care if you go to church; it isn’t a qualifier to get His love. He doesn’t care if you know scripture, but He will teach you. He really doesn’t care what you’ve done wrong because His forgiveness, when you ask for it, is unlimited. His hands are held out, arms full of love for you. He welcomes you- just as you are, right now and every day after. You’ll never know your purpose better than what He shows you through relationship. Be courageous and take His hand!

The Sacrifice

The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart. Psalm 51:17

 

The Lord is looking for us to step fully into the water, not to merely dip our toes. He is looking for us to bring our blind, hardened and aching hearts, lay them on before Him and allow Him to tenderize us. There is no “half in”. Either we’re in or not. Either we trust Him with our hearts or we don’t. And part of doing so means we trust Him to re-teach us whatever it is that is in us that doesn't agree with Him. Without a tender heart, we will not have the discernment to know what that is. We can't be like Jesus at all with hearts of stone. 

 

Under the Old Testament covenant, everyone in the tribes of Israel was required to offer sacrifices at the temple under very strict rules. Every sin of every person was to be atoned for by the offering of their most perfect livestock. They couldn’t keep it for themselves; they had to offer it as a means of fulfilling their end of the covenant and to prove they trusted God to provide more. However, under the new covenant the blood of Jesus atones for all of us-once!  We are no longer required to offer up livestock to atone for our sins. But we still have a part in this- we are called to offer up the sacrifice of our whole hearts. This takes a whole lot more courage and faith. Laying down our walls is no easy task!

 

To follow Jesus is an invitation that comes with the calling to offer up your whole heart to Him. You expose it to what He wants, you keep it tender to hear His voice and you allow Him to break your heart for what breaks His. It means we accept a life of pain and hurt and allow it to shape us into being more useful to others who share similar experiences. Without pain, we can never relate to the lost and broken. Without ever having been broken ourselves, how can we assure others that He still heals? 

 

Let's be honest, we’re all human and have a tendency in all to clench up. We harden our hearts out of fear and a habit of guarding ourselves. But God can be trusted with our hearts. He can be trusted to do right by us. Sure, having a tender heart is going to mean pain. But that pain makes us more like Him, more compassionate, merciful, forgiving, and others-centered. When life is easy, the human heart has a habit of becoming entitled, judgmental, self-centered and merciless. We get comfortable and lazy. We become all about making our lives even more comfortable, not able helping others. It ain't pretty! But when we allow our hearts to be broken by what breaks His, we honor our part of the covenant- offering our hearts as an unwavering sacrifice to fulfill His desires. 

We cannot “follow the rules”, yet keep our hearts from His touch and expect to be made righteous. For it takes more courage and faith to give your heart to someone you cannot see than it does to live morally right. I’m not saying that living morally right is bad; I am saying that it’s not enough to please God. It takes a relationship built on trust to lay your heart bare and let The Great Heart Doctor do whatever He wants with it. Allowing God to hold your bare heart and have free reign with it opens you up to a wide range of experiences with Him, teaching you more about who He really is and who he is calling you to be. 

 

When we live with the mission of protecting ourselves, we wall up and miss out on chances to connect with God and people. I believe people who do this are more miserable than those who are tender. There is so much to gain from life that you can only get by having a tender heart. At least that's been my experience. You see, He doesn’t just call us to lay our bare hearts out there unprotected. He protects us. If we trust Him by staying tender, we get greater protection from Him than we could ever provide ourselves.

 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, 

And His ears are open to their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

And delivers them out of their troubles.

The Lord is near those who have a broken heart, 

And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, 

But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

He guards all his bones; 

Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked, 

And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, 

And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.

Psalm 34: 15-22

Taking Time to Heal

We spend so much time trying to bury our pain. We think we're stronger and growing by distancing ourselves from the pain. In actuality, by pretending we are hindering the healing process. It takes strength to allow your heart to break, to feel the pain and to admit all those raw feelings. Feeling those excruciatingly hard things isn't easy, but we find out so much about ourselves when we do. We find out just what parts and mindsets need a fresh look.

It takes courage to share those feelings with someone, but it takes the most courage to share them with God. I'm convinced that it's the ultimate act of worship as we seek to build intimacy with Him. I have no doubt that He would much rather us be real than try to appear strong, only to fall apart later because we didn't take the time to heal. 

Take it from me. I used to think that distancing myself from painful things made me stronger. I heard all the common sayings of "wisdom" that is common today and I thought that protecting myself from pain was somehow my "calling". So, I bottled up years of feelings and convinced myself I didn't hurt so bad. But boy, I did! The more I bottled, the more I began to swell up from the pressure. I had a choice- let myself heal or let this stuff come spewing out uncontrollably. 

Maybe I just hadn't let myself hurt in the past. I had hardened myself. In doing so, I only threw dirt over my mess. Pretending never made it go away. It only make it harder to get to the bottom of the pile later. (Please don't misunderstand my comments to mean that boundaries are a bad thing. They're crucial for an emotionally and spiritually healthy lifestyle but they should never cause us to harden or feel apathetic in any way. )

Jesus is really changing my mind about this stuff In this season of life. God is calling me to let myself feel the pain, every ounce of it and to use this time to uncover things deep inside that need facing and healing. He is calling me to rest, examine what's going on in me and be honest about it. From the day the current turmoil in my life began, He has been whispering to me, "Let yourself feel this- don't push it aside." He wants me to truly heal. Without staring that stuff in the face, I can't. None of us can. We'll just keep struggling with the same issues over and over and never overcome them. If we're going to be truly free, we have to take every chance we can to see what's beneath that mound of dirt. And it takes a lifetime. 

God is our safe place. He welcomes us to let it all out before him- no matter how ugly or raw it is. Some things may be hard to say, even to God. But he wants us to say it- to be real and honest. He wants to help us through it and heal us in it. He won't judge us for what we feel. Honesty is an act of intimacy and our willingness to talk to Him is not overlooked. And when we talk to Him, He talks back. Eventually He will give wisdom to us. It may seem to take forever or come slowly but, at some point, we will find ourselves living out of a supernatural wisdom and discernment as a result. But we cannot skip meeting with Him and pouring out our hearts. 

He doesn't want us to pretend to be tough; He wants us as we are - real. He wants to make us tough, but in His way. Strength lies in being vulnerable and weak, in staying humble and tender-hearted. Truly strong people don't have to harden their hearts. They can remain tender when the storm threatens to bend them. Why, because they know its not truly their strength that will save them. 

Don't make the mistakes I did; Don't resist the chance to heal when you're in pain. It's easy to skip right on along and pretend things don't hurt so badly, and so often the world expects us to. Keep in mind that your heart is your responsibility and it will live on long after your body is gone. Your heart is what's important to God. He wants you to have a heart like His and, in order to do so, you have to walk through the hard stuff slowly and with your spiritual glasses on. 

Of course, it's not a comfortable place to be, but rushing through it only hurts you. Rest. Don't try to act strong. Remain tender towards God and let His desire be he only one that matters in it all. Be where you are and let Him show you who He is in the midst of it. Contrary to popular belief, that's how you really become stronger. 

One Thought At A Time

I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.

Psalm 119:45

I heard someone recently say to a child, "Don't wear that to school or people will pick on you!" I suddenly saw the bondage behind comments like that. It made me sad that so many of us, with the best intentions, teach our children to model their lives after what's publicly acceptable and expected. I've done it, I'll admit. We do it for good reasons in our own minds. We do it to help them "fit in" and be seen in a good way by others. We think we're protecting them, when in fact, we are putting them in bondage to living their lives like other people expect them to. Jesus doesn't call us to any such thing, but to the very opposite. 

That mindset, as common as it is, is dangerous. I'm convinced it's what keeps many Christians and non-believers alike from living their lives to the fullest. What if the Holy Spirit calls them to do things that don't fit that mold. Will they listen or will they be too paralyzed by the fear of what others think and say? A huge portion of the Christian and non-Christian population are hung up on what other people think. They find themselves in debt trying to gain the approval of their friends and neighbors. They  base their life choices on the opinions of society. 

If this is you, please believe that I'm not saying any of this out of judgement and condemnation, but to call attention to a destructive mindset. I have been guilty of these things too. 

My journey with Jesus has taught me that, more often than not, He will call us to do things that society will think bizarre and eccentric. Other people have often tried to stop me from doing things I felt led to do, thinking I was embarrassing myself. And maybe to them I was. But it is far more important to obey God than be acceptable and blend in with people. His direction is more rewarding than the approval of men. He knows what's best for us, and sometimes that includes doing things that go against the norm. 

Our minds have been programmed to think that we must live our lives from a socially-written template. It keeps so many people in fear of living out their convictions, using their God-given gifts, loving people in radical ways or going where God wants them to go. Yes, even well intentioned people can cause such damage by spreading this mindset because they, too, are caught up in it. 

Good intentions never produces perfection. Whatever bondage is in someone's heart will drive their lifestyle and the way they teach their kids. It will be be in every piece of advice they offer and, more importantly, in their marriages. This is why, beloved, it's so important that we each walk the path of freedom with Jesus. We need His lessons and freedom so that we can teach our kids His freedom, have better marriages and other relationships. It's a tough calling- to stop ignoring and justifying our own damaging mindsets and to adopt new, better ones. 

So often we don't see those mindsets until Jesus or someone else sheds light on it. At that point, in order to truly follow Jesus, we've got to pray, seek help and a new mindset that matches His. We have to continually ask Jesus if our mindsets match His. We have to avoid defensiveness since it's a barrier to growth. We have to practice listening and staying humble. We have to try, over and over, to see ourselves realistically. We, humans, go through a lot of change in life and need constant examination. And we need honest people around us. Even more so, we need to be in constant communion with Jesus. And then, we need to be humble, brave, persistent and gracious to ourselves and others as it takes time to overcome those bondages. 

Mankind's Greatest Struggle

Scripture speaks a lot about the importance of humility and pride. Have you ever wondered why? I'll be honest- I didn't really get it for much of my walk with Jesus. But through some pain and a lot of trials I am learning. Based on all those things I've experienced I believe the call to humility is for our growth as well as our relationships. Relationships are what the Bible, and our God is all about. He didn't just create one or two humans and stop there; He created countless humans throughout the years. And He tells us repeatedly what the key is to loving one another in that one word- humility. 

Pride keeps us defensive; it is that voice that says, "We're enemies" or "No one has been through what I have!" It provides the excuses for the wrongs we do to one another. It poofs us up like pillows when that voice of God convicts us in any way. Defensiveness keeps us from hearing, truly hearing what other people have to say to us and therefore is a barrier to relational healing. When we can't listen, we can't be open-hearted to our fellow man. A closed heart is most destructive to our relationships, also quenching own growth. 

Humility, on the other hand, keeps our hearts open. We have no reason to defend ourselves when we accept our own flawed state and the possibilities for us to make a mess of anything. We have no reason to get angry with those who confront us when we realize that it is a good thing that not everyone thinks like us. When we look for other perspectives and views outside what's in our own heads or agrees with us, we blossom. God uses community to shape us, so we need to be willing to speak up and listen too. But people need to feel safe to be honest with us, and even more safe to take feedback from us. They need to know we mean it in love and that we're on equal ground. 

In my experience, relationships with people who refuse to see themselves as others see them are the most miserable. They live with no concern for how they impact others because they are blinded to the pain they cause. Maybe some of them see it but feel stuck because of pride. But we all need to feel we have a voice - that our feelings and our perceptions matter. And to God they do. If we truly strive to be like Him, we will strive to make others feel safe to share their insight with us. 

The healthiest relationships are those where both parties listen to one another and are open to changing where it is necessary. It's not about blaming or pointing fingers but about mattering to one another. If this country is to change and this world is impacted by us in good ways, then we as individuals have to start by taking responsibility for our own mindsets and actions. The more we listen to God's convictions, the more we're willing to hear from other humans too. 

Life is not a competition. Jesus meant it to be a partnership with him and with other people. But the first step is acceptance our own state and dropping our walls of pride. If we truly believe there is no condemnation in Christ, then our walls of defense make no sense in the kingdom of God. 

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Recently, I was counseling my teenage daughter about something she was dealing with. I watched how she carried herself with shame over a mistake she had made, so much so that she had withdrawn from people in general. With every interaction she did have, her anger spewed. When I looked closely, she seemed to be struggling to forgive herself and that unforgiveness was heavy on her. I felt led to speak into that and although I didn't know what to say, God did. 

The words that came out of my mouth were something like this, “It’s important that you forgive yourself; give yourself some grace. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. If you do not, you will repeat the behavior you feel so much shame for. Accept that you are human and learn from this how to respond the next time you’re in that situation, but don’t stay tied to this. You’re going to make more mistakes, but those you don’t forgive yourself or others for somehow get repeated."

That was totally not of my own “wisdom”, but of God’s. It’s true. What we don’t forgive holds us hostage. It pins us to the very behavior or sin that caused pain in the first place. Whether it be something we did or someone else’s actions, forgiveness is powerful. It can set free to move forward into change or it can tie us to certain sins for generations. Forgiveness isn’t just about own our purity of heart, but also our freedom from sin and bondage.

People don't change for the better under the weight of disapproval. The freedom offered through grace and forgiveness sets us free when we accept it for ourselves and offer it to others. We can then start to truly live without the fear of inevitable mistakes. We humans are made to need forgiveness, and plenty of it. The best way to learn that though is to learn to seek to see ourselves realistically. 

Forgiveness is an act of humility and mercy. It is best done when we truly see ourselves for the vulnerability within. But when we see ourselves as stronger, more flawless than we are, we aren’t prone to forgive anyone. Our vision is blurred and we’ve bought the lies that come out of that and judgment is the result. I honestly don’t think we can have a proper view of ourselves without the Holy Spirit. Without Him, it always comes out from one extreme to the other - either self hate or self worship. 

For years, I held grudges I swore I had forgiven. My lack of forgiveness would come out in subtle ways, through anger or ill feelings. Other times, I would get so caught up in my own shame that I withdrew from everyone around. As much as I held grudges against others, the ones I held against myself were greater. I had held myself to such standards that no human could meet, and then I imposed the same ones onto others. I just didn’t see it. 

Just like me, many of you may be convinced you have no bitterness within. The real proof is how you speak and think about the other party involved, or yourself. Another sign of unforgiveness, I believe, is the fear of making mistakes to the extent that we miss out on life. We need to ask ourselves whether we are truly living, taking risks, getting back up when we fall down. Are we as gracious with ourselves and with others as Jesus is with us? Do we accept that Jesus' forgiveness is enough or do we somehow think he died to make us afraid to live?

It is important to remember that accepting forgiveness, as well as extending it, has the power to set us free from a life of paralyzing fear that causes us to miss out on life. We can take on life more boldly when we aren’t afraid of skinning our knees or bruising our elbows. We’re all human; we’re going to make mistakes. But He never meant for us to take a seat on the bench for fear of falling down. He meant for us to love freely and forgive freely, taking risks that will sometimes leave us bruised. This world is broken; we’re going to get hurt. But our time here is a gift and a mission and we need forgiveness to get through it. 

Beyond the Veil

Jesus shouted again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit. Suddenly, the curtain of the sanctuary was split in two from top to bottom; the earth quaked and the rocks were split. Matthew 27:50-51

The curtain separating the inner temple, the place where the Spirit of God dwelled and only the high priest was allowed was ripped in half when Jesus breathed His final breath. I can imagine the panic at the temple as the Earth shook and that veil was mysteriously torn, allowing access to anyone who wanted to stand before God. Years prior to that, God gave the Israelites strict instructions about the layout of the temple, the process of sacrifice  and who could enter the holy place of His dwelling. No man, woman or child other than the high priest could go beyond the veil. But now that Jesus paid the price of every sacrifice ever necessary and served the role as the high priest, anyone can stand before God without another human intercessor. 

Step forward to modern times. Even though we all have access to God directly through Jesus, so many of us are living as though we don't. Shame, fear, and other bondage keeps us from walking through that torn veil to experience God personally. And the enemy loves that. He is keeping people full of lies that make them ashamed, believing that they aren't worthy to stand before Him. None of us are, but that's not the point. Yours and my enemy is behind every single thought that God doesn't want you or that you are useless to Him. Satan wants you to think God doesn't love you or won't forgive your sins to keep you from entering The Safe Place, where the Master Warrior himself will cover you from Satan's schemes. 

Jesus has paid the price, and there is nothing you can do that He will not forgive. But part of the process of coming to God, standing before His holy presence, is to accept what He gives you. If He says He will forgive, He will and you need only to choose to believe Him over your feelings of shame and sorrow. You'll probably need to keep choosing to believe Him every time the enemy's accusations come at you. Remember that Jesus's atonement is more powerful than your sins. Draw near to Him and ask for faith to believe when you need it. 

You no longer need carry any shame as one who follows Jesus. And we no longer need to shame one another. As believers, we've been set free from anything that keeps us from following Him 100%. The best testimony of Jesus is the freedom we live in, not the rules we make for ourselves and others. If God forgives and shows much grace, we must also. 

And if you aren't yet His follower, it is never too late to start.  

Embracing Imperfection

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I sat at the altar recently, praying and weeping. I said, "Lord I feel like a refugee in this world- like there is no safe place to go. Thank you for being that safe place for me when nothing, no one here is." I sensed some shame for my feelings and struggle. And I started to question myself for not being able to handle this better...for being such a crybaby. And do you know what He said? He whispered, " Its okay. You can come to me and cry all you want, whenever you want. I am here."

That moment was huge for me. It is just one of many things He has said to me that no one else ever has. They were words that touched a broken place and brought healing. I still smile when I think that The holiest of holies would listen to me bear my hear over and over as I ugly cry uncontrollably.  I don't know about you but I have so many moments when I feel like I just don't belong here. Even though I am loved and liked and part of a community, there are these overwhelming times where I just want to run to God and sit at His feet, where these emotions turn to peace.

 

I highly doubt I would truly love and appreciate Him if life were easy and I never needed refuge. All of what I have learned so far came from deep, pain and brokenness. I learned who He is and to trust Him through those times. He has taught me through my worst moments that He never changes.  But when life is good, I tend to veer away. I get cozy and think I have it all under control- maybe not conscientiously, but its in there. 

We don't have to be perfect, or even close to it to experience God. In fact, it seems that the more we strive for perfection, the more we put up that facade, the less we think about Him, much less connect. Personally, I find God more in my weaknesses; I experience who He is most when I embrace my brokenness. He already knows us better than we do ourselves and He loves us despite of, and even because of it. We were meant to need Him but perfection would eliminate that. Wouldn't it be such a shame to never know His love in such a precious and fierce way?

A Bold Stance, A Gentle Life

Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go. Oh that you had paid attention to my commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea...Isaiah 48:17-18

Faith is a gift, given to us - not forced on us. One can say they believe all day long, but without a faithful heart it means nothing. Faith isn't a one and done event, where we can lay low the rest of the time. It is a daily commitment to believe not only in God, but God Himself. It's hard, it is impossible for us to do so without Him because we need Him to reveal Himself to us for our faith to grow. And we must, in turn, reveal our own hearts to Him in order to have a real relationship. Every step of the way, though, it is all a choice. 

True love never forces one's own way.  

We were never meant to use our faith as a means to force or manipulate others into believing. But for generations many have bought the lie that we are human doers who must forcibly get people to say they believe. There are signs of it all throughout our society. People are manipulated into confessing Jesus before we will accept them, into our churches, homes and social gatherings. They are denied love until they confess something they do not believe in. That's not the way of God. 

Father, forgive us. 

So much of Christian culture has interpreted the message of Jesus as a call to bully its way through societies, using fear and bullying tactics to get others to agree to the same morality and faith and, y'all, it has to stop. We're not the Israelites - we haven't been told to eliminate non believers from our nations, but to witness to them with love, using our very lives to tell about Jesus. 

It's not about compliance with God, but faith.  

Yes, obedience is important. It is a product of true faith. Compliance, however, is done out of duty, not desire. He wants our hearts. That means His ways must become more important in our hearts than our own. 

God looks at the heart. 

He cares more about what's on the inside of us than outside. And He always hears unspoken unbelief louder than the words we use to cover it up. The heart is never changed by force, but by the love of Jesus in the smallest and grandest of ways. 

 

We have to start with ourselves before God. 

If we're going to make any nation a Christian nation, it has to start with each of us individually - deep down inside. It has to start between us and God, where we let Him clean our hearts and give us proper insight into our own hearts. We spend so much time finger-pointing that we miss our very own hearts. It is there, examining our own hearts that we have the best, most effective influence on everyone else. It is there, in that place, where we exercise our own choice well and avoid the idea that we have to steal everyone else's to set things right. 

 

We can stand up for what is right without being self-righteous. 

We are called to get our own hearts right before God, not everyone else's.  A relationship with Him has taught me that I don't have to force a thing; the best works happen when I just do what I am told to do - follow Jesus and let Him use and grow me. 

 

You see, Christianity's best hope for growth is in good boundaries, where we know where we end and another begins, what we're called to fix and what we're not. We are not God. But one thing is for certain, if He doesn't force Himself on us, how dare we think we can do it to others.

Ointment for Disappointment

Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead  and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this,^[though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials. 1 Peter 1:3-6

My heart stings as I write these words. It is the uncomfortable sting of betrayal and lies and the pain of disappointment. If I’m brutally honest, and I am, my observations of  recent events remind me that trusting other people will only bring me more pain and make me look a fool. And I don’t like looking like a fool, but even more so I don’t like the pain. I am desperate for good relationships and I whole-heartedly wanted to move past my trust issues. I really do keep trying. But I feel angry that no matter how much I do that, I am betrayed. I am confused as to why Jesus would call me into such a place. It feels at times like He is betraying me by laying such a command on me that brings me repeated pain. I took these raw feelings to Him this morning and He reminded me of some beautiful truths about life and disappointment that motivate me to press on.

There have been consistent reasons for me to go live in a cave in an isolated area where no other human can be found. Those reasons began early in life for me by people who I should have been able to trust. Just when I think I am over it, something else happens to make me distrust someone else. It has become a theme of life for me in some ways. I have a love/hate relationship with trust. I want it, but I do not want the pain that comes with it. Sound familiar? Can you relate?

Something in me rises up for war, for vengeance when I am hurt and disappointed. I do not like that part of me. But sometimes it just feels so good to lash back. Then the words of a dear friend replay in my head, “Don’t trade your blessing for a bowl of soup.” Ouch! This is the iron sharpening I needed. It is amazing how far and how long a sharp sword can go. I would be doing what Esau did with Jacob; I would be giving up something huge for something lesser that satisfies me in the moment. When I think about it that way, the desire for vengeance dwindles. I want to honor the Lord – I really do. I also have these human tendencies that I constantly battle against just to be obedient. Keeping my eyes on Jesus when the world gets foggy is easier said than done. And I can’t break from guarding my heart for even a moment heart if I do not want to end up in the pit of regret. I must be persistent and avoid discouragement like the plague if I am going to finish this race.

My pain had led me closer in prayer and in worship where I find comfort and healing. I know Jesus is near. I know he has a compassionate heart and that He wants me to share my struggles. But in this place, He also shares His heart with me here and renews my own thinking. He reminds me that He faced betrayal, and that even though He knew He would be betrayed, He pressed onward in His calling anyway. It hurt Him, yet I have somehow thought it couldn’t have hurt Him since He is God. I have, on many occasions,  compared my pain to His – thinking God couldn’t and wouldn’t feel such emotional pain. But He did. His heart ached over so many things; It still does. His heart even aches with and for me, and yours. Yet He does not distance Himself for protection. He stays. He fulfills His promises – no matter what they cost Him. He cares no matter how much it hurts.

As I start to feel silly for voicing this struggle, He encourages me to keep being honest about my pain. This is directly opposite of what I have learned and observed in our Christian community. He emphasizes to me that He doesn’t expect us to live in pretend mode. People need to know we suffer. They need to know we suffer like they do because our enemy is working very hard at isolating us with the very mindset that we are alone. Jesus wants us to be vulnerable and share that suffering as a means of relating to others, a picture of helping someone out of a pit. Sure, we may look weak at times, but so did He. Sure, we may get hurt and insulted for it – but so did He. He made us to be loved and to love. We cannot do that without being real and honest.

Even in our pain there is hope for those of us who believe. We can suffer and still have hope. This is part of our calling so that we use our influences to help, and not harm, our brothers and sisters. He gave me a new picture for pain this morning as He whispered, “Just because this hurts doesn’t mean you are falling apart. Sometimes pain is a sign of healing like the pain felt after a life-saving surgical procedure.” Now that's a game-changer. We could very well be healing when our heart is on fire. How? Because the redemptive power of Jesus is just that powerful. He can bring beauty to whatever has been burnt.

Identity 101

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:14-15

Our  behavior isn’t who we are, but that’s not the way we tend to tell it. More often than not, we identify people with their behavior and all that does is condemn them to a cycle of the same behavior – over and over. This world would have us believe that we earn our identity, but that’s not what scripture says. Our behavior is simply an acting out of who we think we are, which rarely ever matches up to who we really are. Too few of us know who we really are; those who don’t are constantly striving and battling to become more but unsure how. They are always under pressure to be more and do more. 

 

Identity comes before behavior. In the book The Good and Beautiful Community by James Bryan Smith, he says, “We tell people what they must do find out who they are. Paul (in Colossians) does the opposite: he tells them who they are and how they should live. The more we grow into the story, the more the story grows into us…The main point is that the story and the identity it creates must take the lead in changing our behavior and not the reverse, which is so common. In this world we determine identity on the basis of behavior, which leads to frustration and legalism.” 

 

This statement led me to think about the way Jesus handles me, and how He handled me before change began. He began by telling me who He is and as I began to believe that, He told me who I am. And each time I mess up, make a bad decision or behave wrongly He points me back on track by reminding me who I am in Him. He doesn’t shame me for messing up but as He brings my sin to the forefront, reminds me that I am not that sin and redirects me to the path of who I was created to be. 

I don’t have to strive or beat myself up. I don’t have to pull along  an overloaded cart. And there is no fear of growth when God is the teacher because there is endless grace for my endless mess-ups, and it is that grace that keeps bringing me back on track.  I simply have to follow and listen. 

My strength is in Him. That strength is best put to use when I believe who He is and who He says I am above anything else coming from anyone else. My identity in Him must be how I see myself if I am going to have the courage and strength to ward off the enemies schemes of shutting me up and closing me down.

 

A warrior who doesn’t know who he/she or is isn't prepared for warriorship. A warrior who doesn't see their own strengths and weaknesses won't last long and is setup for failure. With every role, comes a certain foundation of knowledge necessary to complete the duties assigned. And so we have to see ourselves realistically- through God's eyes if we'e going through be prepared for battle. 

The enemy already knows God makes us strong and powerful warriors even when we don't see it. He knows God has powerful callings for us, which was why he rebelled to start with. And the way he often attacks is by causing us to question who we really are. He causes us to have self-hate so we can be too bottled up to love ourselves, much less anyone else. Or he may whisper lies to us to cause us to believe we are enough and without any need for God and that we have more power than we really do. He wants us to seek independence from God because that is where we're vulnerable. 

He isn’t only attacking who we are, but who we are becoming because out of that comes what we'll do. He wins when we quit, do nothing and believe lies. Therefore, if we are going to be proper warriors, we must know and believe the truth. For faith is the activation of our callings and our callings- every single of of them- are a necessary part of this war.