The Freedom of Forgiveness

Recently, I was counseling my teenage daughter about something she was dealing with. I watched how she carried herself with shame over a mistake she had made, so much so that she had withdrawn from people in general. With every interaction she did have, her anger spewed. When I looked closely, she seemed to be struggling to forgive herself and that unforgiveness was heavy on her. I felt led to speak into that and although I didn't know what to say, God did. 

The words that came out of my mouth were something like this, “It’s important that you forgive yourself; give yourself some grace. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. If you do not, you will repeat the behavior you feel so much shame for. Accept that you are human and learn from this how to respond the next time you’re in that situation, but don’t stay tied to this. You’re going to make more mistakes, but those you don’t forgive yourself or others for somehow get repeated."

That was totally not of my own “wisdom”, but of God’s. It’s true. What we don’t forgive holds us hostage. It pins us to the very behavior or sin that caused pain in the first place. Whether it be something we did or someone else’s actions, forgiveness is powerful. It can set free to move forward into change or it can tie us to certain sins for generations. Forgiveness isn’t just about own our purity of heart, but also our freedom from sin and bondage.

People don't change for the better under the weight of disapproval. The freedom offered through grace and forgiveness sets us free when we accept it for ourselves and offer it to others. We can then start to truly live without the fear of inevitable mistakes. We humans are made to need forgiveness, and plenty of it. The best way to learn that though is to learn to seek to see ourselves realistically. 

Forgiveness is an act of humility and mercy. It is best done when we truly see ourselves for the vulnerability within. But when we see ourselves as stronger, more flawless than we are, we aren’t prone to forgive anyone. Our vision is blurred and we’ve bought the lies that come out of that and judgment is the result. I honestly don’t think we can have a proper view of ourselves without the Holy Spirit. Without Him, it always comes out from one extreme to the other - either self hate or self worship. 

For years, I held grudges I swore I had forgiven. My lack of forgiveness would come out in subtle ways, through anger or ill feelings. Other times, I would get so caught up in my own shame that I withdrew from everyone around. As much as I held grudges against others, the ones I held against myself were greater. I had held myself to such standards that no human could meet, and then I imposed the same ones onto others. I just didn’t see it. 

Just like me, many of you may be convinced you have no bitterness within. The real proof is how you speak and think about the other party involved, or yourself. Another sign of unforgiveness, I believe, is the fear of making mistakes to the extent that we miss out on life. We need to ask ourselves whether we are truly living, taking risks, getting back up when we fall down. Are we as gracious with ourselves and with others as Jesus is with us? Do we accept that Jesus' forgiveness is enough or do we somehow think he died to make us afraid to live?

It is important to remember that accepting forgiveness, as well as extending it, has the power to set us free from a life of paralyzing fear that causes us to miss out on life. We can take on life more boldly when we aren’t afraid of skinning our knees or bruising our elbows. We’re all human; we’re going to make mistakes. But He never meant for us to take a seat on the bench for fear of falling down. He meant for us to love freely and forgive freely, taking risks that will sometimes leave us bruised. This world is broken; we’re going to get hurt. But our time here is a gift and a mission and we need forgiveness to get through it. 

Beyond the Veil

Jesus shouted again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit. Suddenly, the curtain of the sanctuary was split in two from top to bottom; the earth quaked and the rocks were split. Matthew 27:50-51

The curtain separating the inner temple, the place where the Spirit of God dwelled and only the high priest was allowed was ripped in half when Jesus breathed His final breath. I can imagine the panic at the temple as the Earth shook and that veil was mysteriously torn, allowing access to anyone who wanted to stand before God. Years prior to that, God gave the Israelites strict instructions about the layout of the temple, the process of sacrifice  and who could enter the holy place of His dwelling. No man, woman or child other than the high priest could go beyond the veil. But now that Jesus paid the price of every sacrifice ever necessary and served the role as the high priest, anyone can stand before God without another human intercessor. 

Step forward to modern times. Even though we all have access to God directly through Jesus, so many of us are living as though we don't. Shame, fear, and other bondage keeps us from walking through that torn veil to experience God personally. And the enemy loves that. He is keeping people full of lies that make them ashamed, believing that they aren't worthy to stand before Him. None of us are, but that's not the point. Yours and my enemy is behind every single thought that God doesn't want you or that you are useless to Him. Satan wants you to think God doesn't love you or won't forgive your sins to keep you from entering The Safe Place, where the Master Warrior himself will cover you from Satan's schemes. 

Jesus has paid the price, and there is nothing you can do that He will not forgive. But part of the process of coming to God, standing before His holy presence, is to accept what He gives you. If He says He will forgive, He will and you need only to choose to believe Him over your feelings of shame and sorrow. You'll probably need to keep choosing to believe Him every time the enemy's accusations come at you. Remember that Jesus's atonement is more powerful than your sins. Draw near to Him and ask for faith to believe when you need it. 

You no longer need carry any shame as one who follows Jesus. And we no longer need to shame one another. As believers, we've been set free from anything that keeps us from following Him 100%. The best testimony of Jesus is the freedom we live in, not the rules we make for ourselves and others. If God forgives and shows much grace, we must also. 

And if you aren't yet His follower, it is never too late to start.  

Embracing Imperfection

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I sat at the altar recently, praying and weeping. I said, "Lord I feel like a refugee in this world- like there is no safe place to go. Thank you for being that safe place for me when nothing, no one here is." I sensed some shame for my feelings and struggle. And I started to question myself for not being able to handle this better...for being such a crybaby. And do you know what He said? He whispered, " Its okay. You can come to me and cry all you want, whenever you want. I am here."

That moment was huge for me. It is just one of many things He has said to me that no one else ever has. They were words that touched a broken place and brought healing. I still smile when I think that The holiest of holies would listen to me bear my hear over and over as I ugly cry uncontrollably.  I don't know about you but I have so many moments when I feel like I just don't belong here. Even though I am loved and liked and part of a community, there are these overwhelming times where I just want to run to God and sit at His feet, where these emotions turn to peace.

 

I highly doubt I would truly love and appreciate Him if life were easy and I never needed refuge. All of what I have learned so far came from deep, pain and brokenness. I learned who He is and to trust Him through those times. He has taught me through my worst moments that He never changes.  But when life is good, I tend to veer away. I get cozy and think I have it all under control- maybe not conscientiously, but its in there. 

We don't have to be perfect, or even close to it to experience God. In fact, it seems that the more we strive for perfection, the more we put up that facade, the less we think about Him, much less connect. Personally, I find God more in my weaknesses; I experience who He is most when I embrace my brokenness. He already knows us better than we do ourselves and He loves us despite of, and even because of it. We were meant to need Him but perfection would eliminate that. Wouldn't it be such a shame to never know His love in such a precious and fierce way?

A Bold Stance, A Gentle Life

Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go. Oh that you had paid attention to my commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea...Isaiah 48:17-18

Faith is a gift, given to us - not forced on us. One can say they believe all day long, but without a faithful heart it means nothing. Faith isn't a one and done event, where we can lay low the rest of the time. It is a daily commitment to believe not only in God, but God Himself. It's hard, it is impossible for us to do so without Him because we need Him to reveal Himself to us for our faith to grow. And we must, in turn, reveal our own hearts to Him in order to have a real relationship. Every step of the way, though, it is all a choice. 

True love never forces one's own way.  

We were never meant to use our faith as a means to force or manipulate others into believing. But for generations many have bought the lie that we are human doers who must forcibly get people to say they believe. There are signs of it all throughout our society. People are manipulated into confessing Jesus before we will accept them, into our churches, homes and social gatherings. They are denied love until they confess something they do not believe in. That's not the way of God. 

Father, forgive us. 

So much of Christian culture has interpreted the message of Jesus as a call to bully its way through societies, using fear and bullying tactics to get others to agree to the same morality and faith and, y'all, it has to stop. We're not the Israelites - we haven't been told to eliminate non believers from our nations, but to witness to them with love, using our very lives to tell about Jesus. 

It's not about compliance with God, but faith.  

Yes, obedience is important. It is a product of true faith. Compliance, however, is done out of duty, not desire. He wants our hearts. That means His ways must become more important in our hearts than our own. 

God looks at the heart. 

He cares more about what's on the inside of us than outside. And He always hears unspoken unbelief louder than the words we use to cover it up. The heart is never changed by force, but by the love of Jesus in the smallest and grandest of ways. 

 

We have to start with ourselves before God. 

If we're going to make any nation a Christian nation, it has to start with each of us individually - deep down inside. It has to start between us and God, where we let Him clean our hearts and give us proper insight into our own hearts. We spend so much time finger-pointing that we miss our very own hearts. It is there, examining our own hearts that we have the best, most effective influence on everyone else. It is there, in that place, where we exercise our own choice well and avoid the idea that we have to steal everyone else's to set things right. 

 

We can stand up for what is right without being self-righteous. 

We are called to get our own hearts right before God, not everyone else's.  A relationship with Him has taught me that I don't have to force a thing; the best works happen when I just do what I am told to do - follow Jesus and let Him use and grow me. 

 

You see, Christianity's best hope for growth is in good boundaries, where we know where we end and another begins, what we're called to fix and what we're not. We are not God. But one thing is for certain, if He doesn't force Himself on us, how dare we think we can do it to others.

Ointment for Disappointment

Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead  and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this,^[though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials. 1 Peter 1:3-6

My heart stings as I write these words. It is the uncomfortable sting of betrayal and lies and the pain of disappointment. If I’m brutally honest, and I am, my observations of  recent events remind me that trusting other people will only bring me more pain and make me look a fool. And I don’t like looking like a fool, but even more so I don’t like the pain. I am desperate for good relationships and I whole-heartedly wanted to move past my trust issues. I really do keep trying. But I feel angry that no matter how much I do that, I am betrayed. I am confused as to why Jesus would call me into such a place. It feels at times like He is betraying me by laying such a command on me that brings me repeated pain. I took these raw feelings to Him this morning and He reminded me of some beautiful truths about life and disappointment that motivate me to press on.

There have been consistent reasons for me to go live in a cave in an isolated area where no other human can be found. Those reasons began early in life for me by people who I should have been able to trust. Just when I think I am over it, something else happens to make me distrust someone else. It has become a theme of life for me in some ways. I have a love/hate relationship with trust. I want it, but I do not want the pain that comes with it. Sound familiar? Can you relate?

Something in me rises up for war, for vengeance when I am hurt and disappointed. I do not like that part of me. But sometimes it just feels so good to lash back. Then the words of a dear friend replay in my head, “Don’t trade your blessing for a bowl of soup.” Ouch! This is the iron sharpening I needed. It is amazing how far and how long a sharp sword can go. I would be doing what Esau did with Jacob; I would be giving up something huge for something lesser that satisfies me in the moment. When I think about it that way, the desire for vengeance dwindles. I want to honor the Lord – I really do. I also have these human tendencies that I constantly battle against just to be obedient. Keeping my eyes on Jesus when the world gets foggy is easier said than done. And I can’t break from guarding my heart for even a moment heart if I do not want to end up in the pit of regret. I must be persistent and avoid discouragement like the plague if I am going to finish this race.

My pain had led me closer in prayer and in worship where I find comfort and healing. I know Jesus is near. I know he has a compassionate heart and that He wants me to share my struggles. But in this place, He also shares His heart with me here and renews my own thinking. He reminds me that He faced betrayal, and that even though He knew He would be betrayed, He pressed onward in His calling anyway. It hurt Him, yet I have somehow thought it couldn’t have hurt Him since He is God. I have, on many occasions,  compared my pain to His – thinking God couldn’t and wouldn’t feel such emotional pain. But He did. His heart ached over so many things; It still does. His heart even aches with and for me, and yours. Yet He does not distance Himself for protection. He stays. He fulfills His promises – no matter what they cost Him. He cares no matter how much it hurts.

As I start to feel silly for voicing this struggle, He encourages me to keep being honest about my pain. This is directly opposite of what I have learned and observed in our Christian community. He emphasizes to me that He doesn’t expect us to live in pretend mode. People need to know we suffer. They need to know we suffer like they do because our enemy is working very hard at isolating us with the very mindset that we are alone. Jesus wants us to be vulnerable and share that suffering as a means of relating to others, a picture of helping someone out of a pit. Sure, we may look weak at times, but so did He. Sure, we may get hurt and insulted for it – but so did He. He made us to be loved and to love. We cannot do that without being real and honest.

Even in our pain there is hope for those of us who believe. We can suffer and still have hope. This is part of our calling so that we use our influences to help, and not harm, our brothers and sisters. He gave me a new picture for pain this morning as He whispered, “Just because this hurts doesn’t mean you are falling apart. Sometimes pain is a sign of healing like the pain felt after a life-saving surgical procedure.” Now that's a game-changer. We could very well be healing when our heart is on fire. How? Because the redemptive power of Jesus is just that powerful. He can bring beauty to whatever has been burnt.

Identity 101

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:14-15

Our  behavior isn’t who we are, but that’s not the way we tend to tell it. More often than not, we identify people with their behavior and all that does is condemn them to a cycle of the same behavior – over and over. This world would have us believe that we earn our identity, but that’s not what scripture says. Our behavior is simply an acting out of who we think we are, which rarely ever matches up to who we really are. Too few of us know who we really are; those who don’t are constantly striving and battling to become more but unsure how. They are always under pressure to be more and do more. 

 

Identity comes before behavior. In the book The Good and Beautiful Community by James Bryan Smith, he says, “We tell people what they must do find out who they are. Paul (in Colossians) does the opposite: he tells them who they are and how they should live. The more we grow into the story, the more the story grows into us…The main point is that the story and the identity it creates must take the lead in changing our behavior and not the reverse, which is so common. In this world we determine identity on the basis of behavior, which leads to frustration and legalism.” 

 

This statement led me to think about the way Jesus handles me, and how He handled me before change began. He began by telling me who He is and as I began to believe that, He told me who I am. And each time I mess up, make a bad decision or behave wrongly He points me back on track by reminding me who I am in Him. He doesn’t shame me for messing up but as He brings my sin to the forefront, reminds me that I am not that sin and redirects me to the path of who I was created to be. 

I don’t have to strive or beat myself up. I don’t have to pull along  an overloaded cart. And there is no fear of growth when God is the teacher because there is endless grace for my endless mess-ups, and it is that grace that keeps bringing me back on track.  I simply have to follow and listen. 

My strength is in Him. That strength is best put to use when I believe who He is and who He says I am above anything else coming from anyone else. My identity in Him must be how I see myself if I am going to have the courage and strength to ward off the enemies schemes of shutting me up and closing me down.

 

A warrior who doesn’t know who he/she or is isn't prepared for warriorship. A warrior who doesn't see their own strengths and weaknesses won't last long and is setup for failure. With every role, comes a certain foundation of knowledge necessary to complete the duties assigned. And so we have to see ourselves realistically- through God's eyes if we'e going through be prepared for battle. 

The enemy already knows God makes us strong and powerful warriors even when we don't see it. He knows God has powerful callings for us, which was why he rebelled to start with. And the way he often attacks is by causing us to question who we really are. He causes us to have self-hate so we can be too bottled up to love ourselves, much less anyone else. Or he may whisper lies to us to cause us to believe we are enough and without any need for God and that we have more power than we really do. He wants us to seek independence from God because that is where we're vulnerable. 

He isn’t only attacking who we are, but who we are becoming because out of that comes what we'll do. He wins when we quit, do nothing and believe lies. Therefore, if we are going to be proper warriors, we must know and believe the truth. For faith is the activation of our callings and our callings- every single of of them- are a necessary part of this war. 

Words of a Warrior

Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading. 

Lamentations 2:14

The truth is a powerful thing, that has the ability to prick hearts and open eyes, leading to repentance. Deception, however, presents as truth to eyes that cannot tell the difference. We need constant exposure to the truth in order to train our hearts and minds to discern the difference. That difference will, at some point in our lives, either save us or bring us to shame. 

We all make mistakes and do regretful things. But few people have someone in their lives who will tell them so. And even fewer will take heed to the words spoken to them to bring them back to God. Why? Because we have a tendency to seek independence to such extremes that we move away from the protection of God. 

Our natural hearts don't like being told we're wrong. The pride that seeps in and disguises itself as defensiveness is the very thing that keeps us from hearing truth and growing. That's why scripture speaks so much about humility. Humility battles the pride that keeps us from hearing those things we don't like or want to hear.  It is the difference between life and death. 

Even so, many people lack the courage to speak the truth to someone in need. Let's just say, we have all been that person at least once.  We want people to like us, to trust us and love us. Sometimes we want it more than we want what is best for them- but that isn't agape love. Agape love always does what is best for the other person even if they don't agree. Withholding truth is never pure love. Saying it with hate and despise isn't either. 

To use our mouths for God means we must be made courageous and strong warriors by God Himself. We must be willing to say things no one wants to hear as an act of obedience that reveals agape love. None of us really know what is best like God does. Therefore, we have to be in a position to hear first, then speak. 

We all need people who will tell us the truth- not "their truth", but Gods. That means they must be in a position of hearing and seeking Him themselves. On the same hand, we need to be willing to hear the words that may very well be the mercy of God, bringing us back to focus on Him. We have to look beyond the stinging we feel in our heart in order get back on the right path. We have to be willing to see ourselves through the eyes of God, with the same love and mercy but also with the same honesty. Community helps us do just that. 

Truth is a beautiful and freeing thing that breaks the chains of lies and blindness. It brings clarity, which leads to repentance. Repentance always leads to God's forgiveness and life abundant. May we all be speakers and receivers of  the Truth.