The Way We See Ourselves

I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. 

Leviticus 26:13

I used to think that the concept of self-love was just new age messed-up theology, a mere excuse to resist humility and the concept of sin. Some of it is, but there is truth to having confidence in the value God places on us. It is important that we learn to see ourselves through His gracious eyes if we are going to walk through the valleys. This level of confidence is something I have always struggled with. I continue to struggle with it as God is teaching me to love who He made me in this season of life. 

He recently revealed to me that my lack of self acceptance was hurting me. It was keeping me from standing strong in the face of battles. While I thought I was confident enough, I see now that, as Jesus followers, we are always learning new ways to see ourselves and others.  Know that I write this to encourage you as well as myself. 

The Holy Spirit recently revealed my heart as He shined a spotlight on some very ugly feelings that self love brought out in me. And I realized that although I have heard the topic taken to extremes before, it was obvious that just thinking about loving myself in this way made me feel shame and fear...stuff Jesus doesn't do. He revealed that the result of believing Him is to adopt His way of thinking. Eventually faith changes our mind. Believing Him leads to thinking like Him when it comes to people, life, ourselves and everything else.

 

If we don't agree that we are wonderfully made and that what He makes is beautiful and valuable, we won't be able to agree with Him about others. If we can't look beyond our flawed humanity and see the beauty He put in us and the potential He gives us, we will always be suceptible to cowering before the enemy. We were made to be warriors. 

Warriors don't cower; They stand strong in the face of adversity. They know their calling and value and are not easily manipulated. When we don't believe Him about our own or anyone's value, we open a place for the enemy to work and divide. Satan will go so far as to turn some of what we like to call "humility" into self hate. He can turn real humility into pride as well. Be careful with this! There is a true difference between humility and self hate and I'm not sure most of us know what that is. 

 

Know this: any idea of yourself that makes you fearful and cower from spiritual war is not humility. Any idea you have that keeps you from holding your head high is one that endangers you from finishing the race. God wants us to be made whole. He wants us to finish a good race. Self-hate is a very subtle but very common way Satan works to keep us from doing that. 

God wants us to hold our heads high because, no matter how weak we are, how flawed we are, how much we've sinnned and continue to make mistakes, He has made provision for mercy and a bounty of grace. Know your weaknesses. Admit them. Take them seriously, but don't let them cripple you. 

 

Second Chances

For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6

Though we don't realize it, we have a tendency to create distance between us and God by doing things that come quite natural to us. We live in an imperfect world and have so many unhealthy tendencies. Many are subtle mannerisms and habits we learn by watching others. Others are merely our hearts talking. The journey of being a Jesus follower is meant to set us free from those tendencies, one step at a time. But we can't follow Jesus without laying down our junk- fully surrendering our thoughts, beliefs, possessions and lives. The real call in Christianity isn't to believe that Jesus existed and is God's son, but to have such great faith in His ability and His wisdom that we take His word over what we think. 

As I study Hosea, I realize that God used the prophets to express His feelings, plans and truths to His people. The things He says through them mesmerize me. They remind me that God does feel things, and it isn't always anger. Our great, strong, Creator is vast. We often underestimate just how much strength there is in kindness until we get a good view of who He is. 

Through the prophets, He reveals things that separate us from Him. And the fact that He would reveal some things that keep distance between us and Him speaks of His desire for intimacy with us. His willingness to tell us what hurts Him reveals His willingness to be vulnerable with us and His forgiving heart. How great is He who is the Giver of second chances. He gives us such a view of our sins to lead us to repentance to draw us nearer and make us freer. I can't think of anything more humbling. 

While studying Hosea, these are the things that stuck out as barriers and distance builders between us and God. 

1. We do harm to one another. The fact that God calls us to love and treat others well is reflective of His love for us all. He deeply cares about every one of us. Hosea 4:2

2. We think we have it all figured out and stop being teachable. One of God's big beefs with Israel was their pride and arrogance. They committed to figuring Him out, not growing closer to Him. He has repeatedly shown that we will never figure Him out..He just isn't that simple. And if we were, would we trust Him? If we knew all of His thoughts, would we be required to have faith? He wants us to follow Him with faith. When we assume we already have Him figured out, we cease being open to learning or seeing differently. And we cease having faith. Hosea 4:6, 7:10 

3. We let our hunger for sin guide/rule us. God gives us some things not to do because:

a. He has boundaries of what He will tolerate and b. Sin hurts the sinner and everyone around. He wants to protect us. When we don't heed his words, we're basically saying, "I will be my own God. I will decide what is best for me." Hosea 4:8. 7:13

4. We have priorities higher than God. In scripture, God often refers to idolatry as promiscuity and adultery. Idolatry is putting ANYTHING before God. It lies in the excuses we make to focus less on God and ultimately stop trusting and following Him. How do your other relationships go when you stop making an effort? Well, God doesn't like it ether and He is the one you and I need most. Hosea 5:4, 6:9 

5. We do not call on Him but look to others to rescue us. When we're in need of saving or help, whoever or whatever we run to first reveals what our trust is really in. This is one He really convicted me over. I had a nasty habit of looking for people to save me and it was ruining my relationships. It wasn't bring me closer to God either. But since I began to run to Him, my life has never been the same. He invites us to believe Him and since trust comes from a relationship, we have to pay attention to Him and invest in getting to know Him. Hosea 5:14, 7:7, 7:14

6. We do not repent. The whole reason He exposes sin is to offer an opportunity to repent. When we do not, we might as well outright say, "I don't care about you. I don't care what you say or how you feel or what you want." Now, do we build healthy human relationships with that attitude of indifference? No. And we it won't get us anywhere with God either. Hosea 7:13 

These are good things to examine our hearts and lives for continuously. They are reminders that God has feelings and is always willing to forgive when we repent. He doesn't speak this message to condemn but to invite us to turn back to Him. And I don't know about you but I am always in need of second chances. 

Peer No Pressure

She will pursue her lovers but not catch them; she will seek them but not find them. Then she will think I will go back to my former husband, for then it was better for me then. She does not recognize that it is I who gave her the grain, the new wine and the oil. I lavished silver and gold on her, for which they used for Baal. 

Hosea 1:7-8

Have you ever felt wronged or cheated? Have you ever been hurt by someone's disloyalty or unloving actions? God has too. And every second He loves us, He continues to risk further hurt. His love puts Him at risk because it is inevitable that we're all going to hurt Him. Yes, God is strong, but He feels things. Jesus taught about the vulnerable love of the Father when He died for us. Jesus reveals that true strength lies is the ability to be vulnerable, to love in risky ways. 

Keep in mind that vulnerability was His choice and He overcame the things done to Him. Vulnerability is for the courageous. 

We believers have all walked right past God with His arms wide open, looking for people who would meet our needs. And we've wondered what was wrong with us that others couldn't love us in ways we needed. We've put expectations and pressure on people to do things that they couldn't do, couldn't meet. But isn't that revealing of something about us, something that perhaps proves that we're more willing to be vulnerable with people than with God?

We were made to need community, yes. But God is ultimately the provider of all things, and we seem to miss that point by not going to Him first. It's so easy to forget all about God when we can find comfort in other humans or in our circumstances. We put our focus on this world and the things in it without considering that He is our life line, provider and the lover of our souls. He wants us to come to Him, to trust Him with our struggles and needs. But our natural human inclination is to look for people who will satisfy our needs instantly. When they do, we grow increasingly more entitled and impatient.  

It is a dangerous habit to chase after others to have our needs met. And it is one that makes us more resentful and harden our hearts. Truth be told, when we go to God first, we don't have be filled by anything or anyone else. We are then more fit to love like Jesus. People become enjoyable blessings and we want to bless them, not demand that they bless us. But when they do, we take joy in what they have to offer.  We don't need to beat them over the heads for something more. 

In my own experience, the more expectations there are the less grace there is. Anything that makes our hearts less like God's needs to be examined and changed. Any mindset that keeps us from going to God first, trusting Him most and staying tender before Him even when it is uncomfortable is one that threatens us in this life and the next. 

Imagine how much hurt we'd avoid if we would go to God before acting, speaking or responding. Our relationships benefit greatly when we're not expecting so much from others all the time. We would stop putting pressure on people to make us happy and start being a source of joy that gives back rather than taking all the time. And best of all, we would be as vulnerable with God as He is with us. We would be living out our purpose in communion with Him. 

One Interaction At A Time

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

My husband and I took the kids on a spontaneous and last minute trip to the beach this weekend. I'm not one to do big, spontaneous things; I like a plan. But my husband is wired different and it is important for me to recognize that at times, especially when this trip was his idea. As you can imagine, we all had plenty of opportunities to overreact. Over the course of three days my husband and I apologized to each other as well as to the kids more times than I could keep up with. It has taken us so long to learn that it's more important to treat one another well than to have our own ways. And we're still learning!

The more God heals and changes me, the more I realize how rare emotional and relational health is. Our society puts emphasis on money, success and morality but is it possible that we're missing the real lesson Jesus taught? 

Jesus was hard on Pharisees who thought they could earn their way to heaven by good behavior. So why then do we Christians adopt this very mindset? And how is it that we can stand under the pressure we put on ourselves and one another to "get it right"? 

From pointing fingers to carrying unforgiveness, anger and entitlement mindsets, we're making life harder for everyone. And yet we still insist that legislating morality is going to fix our problems because, maybe, just maybe we're a little bit too shallow to see deeper than skin. Not only do we make ourselves miserable with our self righteousness, but we've missed the importance Jesus put on healthy relationships. When we stop thinking its our job to change people, we can love them better. It is then that relationships flourish. Relationships are what Jesus emphasized. 

Laws don't change a person's heart. They might change actions but God looks at the heart. Actions mean nothing if the heart goes unchanged. Therefore, if we examine ourselves a little bit more closely, we might see that things have gotten this way partly because we've turned Christianity into behavioral modification. We've taken Jesus out of the equation except when we need something. We have failed to realize that what's inside of someone will eventually make its way out. 

Please don't read this as condemnation, but edification. I see these things because I once was guilty of them. And I continue to battle the mindsets behind our American Christian culture just like everyone else. 

How did Jesus bring change? Relationships. He interacted graciously and truthfully with everyone He met. He didn't manipulate. He didn't threaten. He didn't tie people to their past actions either but presented forgiveness and repentance where there was a hunger. He was a safe person for everyone. But He sure did scold those who thought they had it all together or who shamed others. 

Its time for the church to emphasize the importance of healthy interactions and relationships. God can handle hearts much better than we can. Relationships need to be a foundational teaching, more important than anything we learn in school. If we are going to impact the world, we have to do it the way Christ called us to, one interaction at a time. 

To Truly Live

They are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. For this reason they are before the throne of God, and they serve Him day and night in His sanctuary. The one seated on the throne will shelter them: no longer will they hunger; no longer will they thirst; no longer will the sun strike them, or any heat. Because the Lamb who is at the center of the throne will shepherd them; He will guide them to springs of living waters, and wipe away every tear from their eyes. 

Revelation 7:14-17

What a precious promise! These words are not meant to merely encourage us with what to expect after this life; they're meant to encourage us now with things we can experience while we're living here. We need every bit of encouragement we can get while we're here, to motivate us to keep pressing forward in a good race. Thankfully God is full of encouragement that never expires. 

He invites us to draw near now and always! We have full access to the throne as priests right now and the changes He makes within us are proof! He provides direction, nourishment and provision for us in the present, not just in the future. He give us thirsts and hungers and satisfies many of them in this life even as He making our hearts appropriate for the next. He is our refuge and brings peace even in the worst storms in this life, and we don't have to wait until we get to heaven to experience His comfort and peace. 

We won't see any this if we are living life only in the flesh. We'll just dismiss this as impossible. When we we see only with our human eyes and think only with human logic, our vision is significantly narrowed.  We aren't called to "just get through" this life so we can be rewarded later; we can experience more of God and His rewards as we walk these journeys with Jesus in this life. Jesus brings us into our purposes and callings. Jesus helps us to make the most of our time here- free and empowered. 

Revelation 5:9-10 says, "You were slaughtered and you redeemed the people for God by your blood from every tribe and language and people and nation. You made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they will reign on earth." 

Beloved, we have been given a kingdom to look after- the world we live in. Our calling is to influence the culture and care for the citizens as Jesus did. We don't have to and shouldn't be sulking around like we're losing impact. The truth is - we have impact because Jesus gives it to us when we follow Him. We don't influence others in a godly way by pushing people away and choosing who we let in, but by accepting and loving people right where they are because that's what Jesus did! I think we sometimes have this idea that He will punish us for loving "the wrong people". But loving is what we're called to do. We are called to show the world His "impossible" love by reaching out, loving unconditionally and never usurping someone's choice.

Let's stop living like we just want to get done with life; our time here is a gift. We get to partake in leading and influencing others Jesus-style. There is no greater honor than to live a life like His and to be able impact people to move closer to the Healer. Enjoy this life by loving others and living courageously. Enjoy the things you once thought were found only in heaven right now and right here on earth. 

A Deeper Deliverance

19 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble;
He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions.
21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness,
And for His wonders to the sons of men! 

Psalm 107:19-21

I sat at the table listening to my son voice his heartbreak. "I don't understand why she is mean to me, Mom. I do these nice things for her and she still doesn't like me." And I knew exactly how he felt. I spent much of my life looking for affirmation and approval. But God has also been gracious enough to me to teach me truths on this matter that I still have to consciously practice. It broke my heart for him that he was struggling with these things. But in order for him to be stronger, wiser and to keep loving courageously, he needed me to teach him some truths. He also had to accept them in his own heart and mind for himself. 

While talking to my son, I was reminded that although I've come this far, I have quite a ways to go. We are all at different points, but none of us have arrived. After he left the room I found myself praying, "Lord, make us all well. We need you to continually make us well." 

God heals - we know that right? But many of us have rarely experienced the healing we're seeking- healing from physical ailments and disease. Cancer and disease are excruciating and these bodies are dealt many sufferings. But even when we're healed physically from those diseases and ailments, we have a tendency to live like the same ol' person. We have the same destructive and selfish mindsets that keep us miserable deep down. It is good to want physical healing, but there are also deeper things that need to be touched within us than those things that ache the flesh. 

We are rarely so desperate as to pray for healing for our faulty mindsets and impure hearts. We yearn to live, but rarely put forth the same amount effort into living a joyous life that we put in to seeking physical healing and obtaining stuff. We make up our minds on issues based on our own biases, and we wonder why we spend so much of our lives in anger, resentment and misery. Those things we ignore and excuse away in ourselves are the very things that keep us bound. They are the emotional and spiritual blindfolds that we refuse to take off.   

His way is not like ours. He wants what is truly best for us, and what is best for us is something we rarely know the answer to. That is why we need Him. We need Him to continually walk with us and make us well. We need for Him to show us the right way, but we have to be willing to learn. We have a lot of junk in there that needs to be dealt with, but unless we walk with Him, we'll never know how. 

A Courageous Calling

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18

 

For years I had these dreams of being held hostage. The dreams would bring out the fear inside and impact me for days sometimes, but I never realized that the Lord may be showing me something about the state of my own heart. I brushed the dreams off as a weird coincidence because I didn’t know any better.  You see, I dismissed all things “charismatic” as showy and strange: therefore I dismissed a lot of things God was saying to me about over the years. If it seemed illogical or made me feel weird or uncomfortable in any way, I avoided it. Hence, my life reflected fear and bondage for so long. I will turn 40 this year, and it wasn’t until the past few years that I have been giving the ways of God more relevance in my life, willing to see and understand things differently than I once did. 

 

So, now, let’s get back to my dream.

 

A few months ago, I was having supper with two of my friends after God’s own heart. They were discussing their own dreams and their meanings and then one used the term “theme dream”. Because I trust these two women and because they have both taught me so much about the Lord already, I was open to hearing more. I felt compelled to share my dream with them. Neither of them told me what it meant, but assured me it had a spiritual meaning. Both of these dear ladies encouraged me to seek the Lord’s message in it. And so I did.  

 

As I sought the meaning of these dreams, the Lord showed me that the fear was symbolic of the state of my heart. And my being held hostage was symbolic of how I saw myself helpless and stuck. I was afraid to do so many things, afraid to be me, afraid to reach out, afraid to be vulnerable and love like Jesus. Fear had led my life for so long that I naturally made decisions out of fear. I kept people at bay and I tried to “fix” those closest to me. I did everything I could to make their lives comfortable so that they would love me. I was afraid to take risks and because of the fear, I didn’t enjoy life. I was codependent. But I didn't see these things in myself until a fee years ago. 

 

Last night, I had another one of these theme dreams. My family and I were being held hostage, but this time some family members were murdered in the process. There were even more villains. Sounds scary huh? I had plenty of reasons to be afraid, but despite the circumstances, I reacted out of courage. The rest of my dream was spent taking risks, coming out in the open and trying to find ways to get us free. I didn’t stop trying no matter what obstacles I came across. The dream ended before we were finally free and at first thought seemed like just another odd dream. But then I heard the Lord say, “Did you notice that you weren’t afraid? You were courageous.” BAM, He made the connection for me, showing me that He is teaching me to live in the freedom He has called me into. I didn’t hide behind walls and I actually did something, unlike in my previous dreams.

 

Isn’t it just like our God, to be so kind as to pull us forward? When we draw near to Him and begin truly following Him, He puts yearnings in our hearts to break free and overcome our fears. And He offers plenty of opportunities for us to conquer them by facing them head-on. He loves us too much to let fear cripple us. He calls us to get up and walk, to live every day fully, to keep moving forward and to tell others of His miracles. He calls us out of the boat and into some deep places.

 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7

 

Fear does not come from God. I think it’s important that we recognize that as an important truth upon which to build our foundation. And so, it’s important to be aware of our feelings and senses so that we can call things what they are and move forward in freedom. Freedom requires some kind of fight, but God will give us the provision of strength. We have to start by believing Him.