Hanging On To Letting Go

I have this struggle. Of course I have many, but this one that keeps causing me so much heartache and pain that I have been forced to rethink it. I have a hard time letting go of what I cannot fix or change. Even more so, I have trouble knowing when something is mine to fix or whether I am usurping God's role. I have some faulty connections in my thinking that God has been in the process of healing. They do not stretch my faith and they are not mine to carry. I am learning to let go.

Sometimes, I find myself believing that by doing the right thing, my relationships will get better. But sometimes they don't, so I kick into overdo it mode. Instead of accepting that doing the right thing doesn't guarantee good relationships, I keep trying to fix it. My faulty expectations dirty up my good works. Now, this is not always my motive, but I've noticed that it's always the case when I come out disappointed. I would like to say that the things is my heart are always pure, but my actions ultimately speak of my true beliefs.

It's good to want great relationships and peace and harmony but the fact is I cannot change anyone else's heart. It's good to love others, but unhealthy motives gone unchecked can cause loads of disappointment on both ends. This doesn't mean I should just give up, but that I have to rely on God more than I presently do. How can I say that God is good if I keep trying to fix things myself?

I realize I'm not the only one who struggles with this mindset. As far back as Adam and Eve, we humans have an unhealthy desire to be autonomous. We like to think we have all we need to change our surroundings and we alone are enough to do it. We don't ask God and we darn sure don't think we have the time to wait on Him because think we have to do what we do. And we think we're somehow entitled to good relationships if we serve Him, but that's not true. 

Come to think of it, I've rarely ever seen godly change take place simply because we humans have trouble letting go of the idea we can fix or change ourselves and one another. Even though that change never really happens, we just keep doing what we do because we're either too afraid of change, we don't know another way, we have too much pride to surrender or we want our own way on our own time more than anything else.  

God loves it when we lay down our so-called "right" to fix things, determined to wait on Him. He is teaching me that giving it to Him doesn't mean I quit but that I stop worrying about it and trust Him to do with it what He knows to be best. It's only right that I serve Him without expecting anything in return. Practicing this gives me the sense of freedom He desires for all of us because without peace, we're just bound up in chains of some kind.