He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3-4
I had cried and cried and I just wanted to stop, but I couldn't. The pain inside was so great. I hurt so much that I became confused as to how something like this could cause this much pain and I began wondering what else was hiding beneath the surface to make me hurt this much. So I started praying, asking God to help me to see what was going on inside. As I closed my eyes and prayed desperately, I saw Jesus during his life as a man, knelt down on the ground all alone in the wilderness. He was bawling his eyes out. I could even hear the sounds of his sobs. He was in pain for many of the same reasons my heart hurt.
As I opened my eyes God said something like: Your pain doesn't always reveal that something is wrong with you, my child. Exposure to my love makes you tender, caring and able to love wholeheartedly. Being close to me will bring more pain than you're used to because what breaks my heart will break yours. You will even sometimes feel pain more intensely than before. But know that I am making you stronger, not weaker.
His words encouraged me so; He breathed courage and strength into me when I felt I could not take much more. I felt stronger as I realized that being tender is a trait of strength in God's eyes.
This is a lesson worth sharing. We all have plenty of temptations to harden in this life. It's easier for us to harden than stay soft amidst the hard stuff we face. But the key is to stay tender no matter what. When we are willing to feel pain and other uncomfortable feelings, it's a sign of courage. Courage is a must if we're willing to address our own messes. With sensitivity comes intimacy with God, which means our hearts become more like His. And He's not weak at all!
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