The Freedom of Forgiveness

Recently, I was counseling my teenage daughter about something she was dealing with. I watched how she carried herself with shame over a mistake she had made, so much so that she had withdrawn from people in general. With every interaction she did have, her anger spewed. When I looked closely, she seemed to be struggling to forgive herself and that unforgiveness was heavy on her. I felt led to speak into that and although I didn't know what to say, God did. 

The words that came out of my mouth were something like this, “It’s important that you forgive yourself; give yourself some grace. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. If you do not, you will repeat the behavior you feel so much shame for. Accept that you are human and learn from this how to respond the next time you’re in that situation, but don’t stay tied to this. You’re going to make more mistakes, but those you don’t forgive yourself or others for somehow get repeated."

That was totally not of my own “wisdom”, but of God’s. It’s true. What we don’t forgive holds us hostage. It pins us to the very behavior or sin that caused pain in the first place. Whether it be something we did or someone else’s actions, forgiveness is powerful. It can set free to move forward into change or it can tie us to certain sins for generations. Forgiveness isn’t just about own our purity of heart, but also our freedom from sin and bondage.

People don't change for the better under the weight of disapproval. The freedom offered through grace and forgiveness sets us free when we accept it for ourselves and offer it to others. We can then start to truly live without the fear of inevitable mistakes. We humans are made to need forgiveness, and plenty of it. The best way to learn that though is to learn to seek to see ourselves realistically. 

Forgiveness is an act of humility and mercy. It is best done when we truly see ourselves for the vulnerability within. But when we see ourselves as stronger, more flawless than we are, we aren’t prone to forgive anyone. Our vision is blurred and we’ve bought the lies that come out of that and judgment is the result. I honestly don’t think we can have a proper view of ourselves without the Holy Spirit. Without Him, it always comes out from one extreme to the other - either self hate or self worship. 

For years, I held grudges I swore I had forgiven. My lack of forgiveness would come out in subtle ways, through anger or ill feelings. Other times, I would get so caught up in my own shame that I withdrew from everyone around. As much as I held grudges against others, the ones I held against myself were greater. I had held myself to such standards that no human could meet, and then I imposed the same ones onto others. I just didn’t see it. 

Just like me, many of you may be convinced you have no bitterness within. The real proof is how you speak and think about the other party involved, or yourself. Another sign of unforgiveness, I believe, is the fear of making mistakes to the extent that we miss out on life. We need to ask ourselves whether we are truly living, taking risks, getting back up when we fall down. Are we as gracious with ourselves and with others as Jesus is with us? Do we accept that Jesus' forgiveness is enough or do we somehow think he died to make us afraid to live?

It is important to remember that accepting forgiveness, as well as extending it, has the power to set us free from a life of paralyzing fear that causes us to miss out on life. We can take on life more boldly when we aren’t afraid of skinning our knees or bruising our elbows. We’re all human; we’re going to make mistakes. But He never meant for us to take a seat on the bench for fear of falling down. He meant for us to love freely and forgive freely, taking risks that will sometimes leave us bruised. This world is broken; we’re going to get hurt. But our time here is a gift and a mission and we need forgiveness to get through it. 

Beyond the Veil

Jesus shouted again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit. Suddenly, the curtain of the sanctuary was split in two from top to bottom; the earth quaked and the rocks were split. Matthew 27:50-51

The curtain separating the inner temple, the place where the Spirit of God dwelled and only the high priest was allowed was ripped in half when Jesus breathed His final breath. I can imagine the panic at the temple as the Earth shook and that veil was mysteriously torn, allowing access to anyone who wanted to stand before God. Years prior to that, God gave the Israelites strict instructions about the layout of the temple, the process of sacrifice  and who could enter the holy place of His dwelling. No man, woman or child other than the high priest could go beyond the veil. But now that Jesus paid the price of every sacrifice ever necessary and served the role as the high priest, anyone can stand before God without another human intercessor. 

Step forward to modern times. Even though we all have access to God directly through Jesus, so many of us are living as though we don't. Shame, fear, and other bondage keeps us from walking through that torn veil to experience God personally. And the enemy loves that. He is keeping people full of lies that make them ashamed, believing that they aren't worthy to stand before Him. None of us are, but that's not the point. Yours and my enemy is behind every single thought that God doesn't want you or that you are useless to Him. Satan wants you to think God doesn't love you or won't forgive your sins to keep you from entering The Safe Place, where the Master Warrior himself will cover you from Satan's schemes. 

Jesus has paid the price, and there is nothing you can do that He will not forgive. But part of the process of coming to God, standing before His holy presence, is to accept what He gives you. If He says He will forgive, He will and you need only to choose to believe Him over your feelings of shame and sorrow. You'll probably need to keep choosing to believe Him every time the enemy's accusations come at you. Remember that Jesus's atonement is more powerful than your sins. Draw near to Him and ask for faith to believe when you need it. 

You no longer need carry any shame as one who follows Jesus. And we no longer need to shame one another. As believers, we've been set free from anything that keeps us from following Him 100%. The best testimony of Jesus is the freedom we live in, not the rules we make for ourselves and others. If God forgives and shows much grace, we must also. 

And if you aren't yet His follower, it is never too late to start.  

Embracing Imperfection

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I sat at the altar recently, praying and weeping. I said, "Lord I feel like a refugee in this world- like there is no safe place to go. Thank you for being that safe place for me when nothing, no one here is." I sensed some shame for my feelings and struggle. And I started to question myself for not being able to handle this better...for being such a crybaby. And do you know what He said? He whispered, " Its okay. You can come to me and cry all you want, whenever you want. I am here."

That moment was huge for me. It is just one of many things He has said to me that no one else ever has. They were words that touched a broken place and brought healing. I still smile when I think that The holiest of holies would listen to me bear my hear over and over as I ugly cry uncontrollably.  I don't know about you but I have so many moments when I feel like I just don't belong here. Even though I am loved and liked and part of a community, there are these overwhelming times where I just want to run to God and sit at His feet, where these emotions turn to peace.

 

I highly doubt I would truly love and appreciate Him if life were easy and I never needed refuge. All of what I have learned so far came from deep, pain and brokenness. I learned who He is and to trust Him through those times. He has taught me through my worst moments that He never changes.  But when life is good, I tend to veer away. I get cozy and think I have it all under control- maybe not conscientiously, but its in there. 

We don't have to be perfect, or even close to it to experience God. In fact, it seems that the more we strive for perfection, the more we put up that facade, the less we think about Him, much less connect. Personally, I find God more in my weaknesses; I experience who He is most when I embrace my brokenness. He already knows us better than we do ourselves and He loves us despite of, and even because of it. We were meant to need Him but perfection would eliminate that. Wouldn't it be such a shame to never know His love in such a precious and fierce way?