Mrs. I Can't Fix It

Recently my eyes were opened to how much I try to fix things that are outside of my ability. I have it so ingrained in my head that I have to fix whatever is broken that I keep trying to the extent that I don't know a stopping point. And then I wind up discouraged when I fail. Now our society would tell me that this makes me a hero but what's been revealed to me is that it's actually a shortcoming for my spiritual life and personal relationships. It takes more faith to pray, hold my tongue and listen for God's guidance than to rack my brain looking for ways to hurry things along. It takes incredible faith to wait and be still. I am so guilty of subconsciously trying to fix things instead of waiting on God to work, simply because my fears drive me instead of my faith. Ouch!

Waiting goes far beyond the ways in which many of us tend to simplify it.  For me it means I have to stop playing Mrs. Fix-it and admit that my way doesn't work partly because I am trying to perform a role that simply isn't mine. In the professional environment, it's widely known that we stay off of the toes of others by being respectful of role boundaries. We don't assume the role of others unless asked to. But in my own spiritual life I fail to practice this with my Creator and King. How dare I think myself so great that I try and assume the role of changing a heart or opening eyes that is merely His. 

Can you relate? Surely I am not the only Mrs. Fix-it there is. It's so crucial in this world of fixers that we remember that can't change ourselves and need God's gracious strength. It isn't about will-power. It's another one of those roles we cross when we don't ask for and lean on the help we need. We have to rely on Him continuously.  I am so thankful that He doesn't show me things and say, " Now you fix it...I'm leaving."

Please pray for me as I don't want to miss the lessons, nor can I afford to. God bless.

Comfort or Cure

If there is one thing I'm sure of, it's that I am not unlike other people. I feel many of the same things and have similar struggles. None of us are as weird as we think. For years, I believed the lie that no one can relate to me. But it stunted me from sharing my struggles or learning from those of others.

I preface this with that because I have come to realize something new about myself during my most recent series of struggles, and I hope you can learn from it also. God has opened my eyes to how instinctively I either try to fix things or expect things of this world fix me. I tend to put my hope in others to make me feel loved, accepted or open my eyes to things they can't even see. I also find myself leaning to other "comforts" of this world before and even more often than I run to God. I know we are made for community and that creature comforts aren't necessarily sin, but God has shown me His desire to be the first and foremost comfort in my life. He wants to change the way I think to the extent that He is my first instinct.

If we want healing like we have never had, we've got to stop running to the things in this world to fix and fill us. Our human instincts tend to be wrong unless they are reprogrammed by our Creator, but only if we are willing. I see the need for it in me first. I have got to be willing to have revolutionary faith that goes beyond just saying I believe Him. I need my whole mind and heart changed, even if it takes a lifetime to complete it. It brings new meaning behind this verse:

Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.  --Isaiah 40:31

Welcome!

Thanks for visiting! I previously blogged at thetravisinbloom.blogspot.com but felt led to start fresh under a more appropriate blog title. I chose this title, not because I have been diagnosed with a disease but because I am a Christian. And since the hardest part of being a Christian is dying to self while loving others, Confession of a Dying Woman seems to be the perfect label for the things God puts on my heart to share with you as I seek to endure through that painful yet rewarding process of having less of me but more of Jesus Christ. 

Let's be honest, we don't talk enough about the reality of our struggles because judgement and shame lingers at the door. But when I read the scriptures, I know I am called to share some really ugly things about myself because it isn't about me, but my Savior. This blog won't be your traditional Christian blog, but one that challenges me and my readers in new ways. I hope to keep my writings shorter than I have in the past because I recognize that we're all balancing so much these days. 

Whether you are a Christian or not, I believe you'll be able to relate to me and my struggles. If you ARE NOT a Christian, I hope you'll find the consistent message that not one of we Christians are perfect and we're not all self-righteous and mean-spirited.  But we do hold a very real and precious hope that all of our struggles in this life are not wasted and we don't have to count on our own strength to do what we're called to do, although we forget that too often.  We have something worth sharing, even with all of our flaws. It's all about mercy and love and grace that we're no more worthy of than our fellow man. If you ARE a Christian, I want you to walk away knowing that you don't struggle alone and encouraged to keep on going. And to all of my readers-- You are dearly loved by your Creator.