Learning to Like Yourself

We, as a church body, have been long delivering the "God loves you" message, while in many instances, at the same, also delivering the, "God doesn't like you and it's a sin to like yourself" message. And in many circles, we still do this. The messages are contradictory to God's word and to the whole "God loves you" message. In all due respect, it has to stop.

I am not a theologian. I am not a preacher. But I do speak on experience as a child of God who has learned to like myself. I also speak on the truths learned from the Holy Spirit's interaction in my life. I used to wreak of self hate. I don't know how I made it thus far trying to disguise it. And so many people are still doing it, wondering why their lives are so miserable.

I learned insecurity at home but the church confirmed it for me through the tone of condemnation, lack of understanding towards one another, overwhelming judgment and then of course the huge amounts of codependency. We don't love ourselves well, as a whole in the church. I really think subconsciously we believe it is a sin. Or maybe we are simply mistaking humility for self hate. But the true reveal comes through when we don't love others very well at all. After all, isn't that our ultimate calling?

The Lord has really pressed on me a need to see myself through His eyes, learn to like me and appreciate who He made me to be. I didn't get it at first. I was afraid it would make me arrogant, and I will admit that it is a careful balance. But it is a whole lot better to know who you are, and to be able to love you when it seems the rest of the world doesn't. Now, I am not talking about becoming a recluse, but about learning to take care of yourself instead of expecting everyone else to do what you can. Of course, it is nice to have them there but people have their own burdens to carry and we have to offer them grace when they can't be there for us.

We simply don't talk enough about the good things God says about us. Here are some I refer to for my own encouragement.

 1. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. I Peter 2:9 - You read it for yourself, you are chosen for His kingdom. You are called to live, talk, think and believe differently as His kingdom is your home! You are His!

2. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
You as a citizen of His kingdom, are an extension of His love, His ambassador. You get to share it with everyone in the simplest of ways.

3. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:-1- 2
When you fall, you get to get right back up. His grace is that good. He wants to see you succeed. There is so much freedom in second chances. Don't take it for granted!

4. For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
You have been given power, love and self control. Love offers freedom of choice, and is never fear driven. Wherever there is fear and intimidation, the enemy is at work. Keep an eye out for fear and call it out.

5. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Phil 4: 13
I know many of us have heard this a lot but it should never lose its importance. When we are weak, He is strong. He gives us what we need. He promises. We just have to keep pressing forward.

6. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Mat 5:14
You were made to endure! You are stronger than you think, because of who your God is. If we do not press on, for how should we encourage the world. But if we do, how glorious a story our lives tell about our God.

7. For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Gal 5:13
You are free! Jesus did not just die to forgive our sins, but to allow us to live our lives in full freedom to follow Him, not men. We often get the two confused and believe that the rules people set for us are Gods. It is important to know the difference. It is important to know who God called you to be as well and to stand strong there.

8. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. Lev. 26:13
You are worth fighting for. You may not be an Israelite but this scripture still applies to you. You are called to stand tall and walk with your head held high, thankful for the God you serve.

8. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19
He enjoys you! Yes, you!

Why is it important that we believe this stuff? Well, we have an enemy and many of you have seen him active against you already. If you can't stand firm about who you are in your own mind, he will tear you to shreds. His greatest battle is in your head. You have to learn to like and love yourself in order to win those battles. Last, but not least, consider those who are fighting battles right now and need encouragement and love. If you are strong and secure in who you are, you're more likely to be able to call out the good in them and encourage them, preparing them for the battlefield too. If not, you will be too stuck on you - your sadness and your needs to notice.

In order to do any of this, to like or love you, to like or love others, you need to see you through the eyes of Jesus.

Through the Eye of a Needle

So many of our sufferings seem so unbearable. We have no idea how we're supposed to get through them, much less come through the other side with a heart that honors God. That's the true challenge of it all, isn't it? Not to survive, but to maintain a pure heart, free of lust, bitterness, selfishness and strife. But how many of us, being honest, can truly say we have escaped all life's struggles without falling more than once?

I've been through a recent season of suffering myself, and I'm honestly not sure if it's even over yet. I entered it strong and ready, like an able warrior. But after several rounds, I began to grow weary and sway from side-to-side. I began to grow tired first physically, but later emotionally. Somehow in the midst of months worth of hurricane force winds and rain that left me soaked, I simply took on the "beat down" stance without noticing. I feel like I hut the ground as hard as Goliath already but the bizarre thing is that I'm still standing. It's all by God's grace. Despite this nasty storm, He has been so good to me.

There is no shame in hurting. We have to stop pretending we don't hurt so much to one another. I catch myself doing it. We can't be a community if we aren't able to be honest. God can do some amazing things with our pain, together. He loves for us to share our stories, good and bad. Pain is where kindness, compassion and love are built in the hearts of the hardest. But somebody's got to be brave enough to be vulnerable.

No pain is ever a waste on God either. even though it feels like we're that camel going through the eye of a needle, some real, live miracles are happening in US as we live. For instance, through all of my pain God did some amazing things. He turned some darts meant to kill into weight-lifting sessions for my spiritual growth. He:

Strengthened my heart

Grew my ability to see spiritually

Sensitized my spiritual feelers

Taught me tactics with the enemy

Helped me know when to let go 

Shed me of some heavy chains

Taken me back to past hurts

And healed them

Brought forgiveness 

Loved me when I continued 

to make bigger messes

Reminded me that I am His 

No matter how much I mess up.

Taught me not to give the enemy's noise

More attention than it deserves.

I won't lie, I struggled to feel loved during this season and I have struggled with bitterness as of late. But my God hasn't let go of me once. And He won't let go of you! 

Our sufferings hurt. They are hard to endure. But we were not meant to go it alone.