The Right Way To Love

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I Peter 4:8

 

Too often we love others so that or because they love us. Sometimes, without realizing it, we claim to love others but use our affection and feelings as a form of manipulation, dangling our love around as a tool to get what WE want. I think most of us either have or still do live in a pattern like this simply because we don't know what love really is. Perhaps we've never seen it modeled. Maybe we don’t practice real love because we’re naturally self absorbed. I think it's both. 

 

Agape is the way God loves. It is perfect and unconditional and it's the standard of love in which we’re called to. Agape love always seeks what's best for the other person – not what's merely comfortable for us. True love requires courage and wisdom because it requires bold acts of vulnerability and honesty. It require faith in the Master of love Himself to use our sacrifices of love to change everyone involved. 

Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Therefore, agape love also seeks to help others grow, not stay stagnant. We're supposed to help one another and encourage each other along. Perfect love isn’t people pleasing, but it isn't rude either. It is rarely ever black and white, but more often grey. It is backed by pure, unselfish motives. God always looks at the heart. If there is the slightest motive to control or manipulate or if we let fear quench love in the least bit, it’s not agape love.

 

Accountability is necessary for growth. Grace is always necessary for intimacy. But if we can't accept these things for ourselves, we won't be able to give them out. If we don't commune with God personally, we'll never know perfect love enough to live it or give it. The learning process has to start between us and God before we can truly impact our communities.

Perfect love also takes responsibility for our own feelings and uses wisdom to know where we end and another person’s responsibility begins. It helps us to see beyond ourselves and into the whole picture. Until we stop looking for someone to blame every time we feel pain, we’re going to cause unnecessary pain to others and we're going to have distance in all our relationships.  

 

Jesus was always open and honest. He didn’t go around telling others what they wanted to hear, but what they needed to hear. He lovingly sought edification for those around Him. He loved courageously, not leaving out those who hurt Him. He loved unconditionally, regardless of the amount of money they had or sins they committed. His love was and still is a love that holds us accountable and gives us grace all at the same time. Because agape love always offers a choice.

Anything less than agape love is not real love. Its a mere facade of love, pushing people away and causing pain and division. As long as we try to subsitute real love with the imitation, our lives are going to reflect a lack of grace and accountability. Our hearts will stay restless and our relationships will suffer. How do I know? Well, I am having to relearn love as I once knew it and it's changing every aspect of my life. 

Peace Uninterrupted

...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 

Philippians 4:11

The gift of Christ is as much about getting to know our Creator as it is about being forgiven. His  forgiveness is a grand invitation to draw near and trust Him with what's both inside and outside of us. Jesus, with His great love, woos us to let down our walls and loosen our grips to everything else we have ahold of. And like any other relationship, the bond grows as we experience both good and bad times together.  But unlike any other relationship, this process teaches us that our God is our one constant. 

This year my family has endured a lot. I had surgery. I nearly lost my husband to an illness. My son broke his hand. I was diagnosed with Meniere's. And then we found out my dad's cancer has come back. Each step of the way has it's challenges, just like any of your struggles. I was amazed, but not surprised, at the peace and strength He gave me through it all. But I was also surprised to find that I still had to battle the temptation to become discouraged. I had to fight to keep my peace but the Holy Spirit equipped me to fight by breathing encouragement into me. 

It's so easy when something hard happens to focus on the one hard thing and lose sight of the many good things around us. Even when Jesus is standing with us, holding us and whispering to us, our natural inclination is to focus on the struggle. But I'm learning that with great peace comes a great responsibility to fight to keep it. 

I'll admit that resting is not easy for me; I have to intentionally practice it. I want to fix things. I want to accomplish things. I've always been naturally high strung but prolonged exposure to Jesus is changing that about me. I'm pleasantly surprised to find myself avoiding stress and clinging hard to the peace I have been introduced to. I know I could have never been this way on my own. His peace is becoming my new norm and I want to stay here no matter what I face.  I finally believe it's possible. 

Being content in all circumstances is hard...we can't attain this on our own because we're wired to crave the security that only our Creator can provide. But even as He offers it, He wants us to intentionally go there and resist letting everything that happens disrupt our peace. 

The Master Compass

For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now His commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. And who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. 1John 5:3-5

We humans have this dangerous yearning for independence within us. No matter our personality, we all seem to veer off onto our own path, determined to go our own way in life. And no matter how hard we try to be independent pioneers, we wind up following in someone else's footsteps in some way or another. We can fool ourselves into thinking otherwise, but our biggest choice in life is, "Who do I follow?" 

This world offers us a variety of ideas and paths, many of which proclaim to be "wise." But when tested, they prove to be mere traps, keeping us stuck in sin and misery. They are mere counterfeits of the truth, yet generation after generation we keep taking the bait. Bondage isn't anything new; it has been taking humans captive since Eve bit into the apple. And it doesn't seem that much has changed since then other than technology. 

When are we going to stop pursuing every way but God's? When will we be sick of the torment and run from it like the plague? Is it possible to endlessly seek God and only Him? My own heart yearns for Him and His direction but I also know how easily I veer off track. I'm like a toddler in a room with a hot stove, bath tub full of water, electrical outlets on every side and lots of things to stick into them. I am bound to do something really stupid, so I am ever thankful for the direction of God.

Scripture tells us that there is one way and one truth. Anything contradictory is a lie. We've got to pursue that endlessly even when our flesh fights tooth and nail. We may not always succeed but, because of the faith it takes to try and try again, there is a victory every time we go against anything in pursuit of God.  Of course, God has an abundance of grace. But He also gives us the gift of courage when we step out in obedience and faith to do what He wants, His way. Even better, He gives us the gifts of His Holy Spirit for guidance and spiritual survival skills. 

Never Forget

For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. The person who lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has forgotten the cleansing from his past sins. 2 Peter 1:8-9

In his letter, Peter directs us how to proceed on this journey as a follower of Jesus; faith is an absolute must when walking the path to freedom in Christ. Through faith, we've given the ability to overcome and endure. As we grow in faith, there should be fruit to prove it. The end result will be full freedom from bondage of fear, shame, lies and spiritual blindness - but it's a process. It's a process, though, that we don't have to wait until heaven to begin to see results with. In order to begin and stay with the process, Peter emphasizes that we must stay awake. 

What does it mean to stay awake? It obviously doesn't mean we should never let our flesh rest again. Verse nine fills us in. One who falls asleep "has forgotten the cleansing from his past sins."  The result of such forgetfulness is no minor ordeal. It hinders our fruit-producing and causes us to become useless in terms of the mission we've been assigned.

So then, to stay awake requires intentionality to remember what's been done for us and to extend mercies like the ones that have been extended to us.  We must reflect goodness, knowledge, self control, endurance, godliness, brotherly affection and love. And all of those things describe who Jesus is and ways He loves us. He understands us and is generous enough to share His inheritance with us. And our actions toward others should reflect a heart like His.

Notice though, that Peter began this same letter by reminding the church who we are in Christ. I can't help but conclude that if we're going to finish the race, it's important to remember who we are in Him. Therefore, never forget that you are no longer who you once were; you've been redefined as a child of God. You have new abilities and a precious inheritance. Forgiveness has removed your shame and freedom is your destiny. Never forget that. Keep your spiritual eyes open and watch Him work. You'll never get bored.