Think about it: We only give others power over us and our healing when we play the blame game. The one we assign blame to is ultimately the one we assign power to heal us. Anytime we focus on blaming others we put healing on hold, waiting for someone else to make it right. What if they never do? Or what happens when they try to make amends and we don't do our part to move on? Other people can try to do right all day long but one person cannot change the heart of another because we're each responsible for our own heart.
Scripture gives us a lot of direction. Much of it is hard to accept but its all for our own good. And scripture is clear in that we're to forgive, shake off our feet and move on. It directs us to discuss things with those who hurt us and ask for forgiveness from those we hurt. Over and over in the new testament, we're told to resist bitterness. Why? Because it dirties up our hearts. It puts distance in our relationship with God and with others. It allows us to justify thoughts and actions God does not justify. And it makes us miserable and mean.
We are called to a life of courage and freedom, so sin can be anything that keeps us from our calling. When we learn to take sin and our calling seriously, we want to deal with those areas of defeat quickly and effectively. That's why knowing scripture and having a relationship with Jesus is so important. In Christ, we have the ability to live free.
Now, there is no perfect human, nor do any of us do the right thing all the time. If we think about it, we have a part in nearly every dysfunction that plagues our life. Much of our own pain is owed to our thinking patterns. We've hurt others just as we've also been hurt. We do things to others that we wouldn't dare tolerate from them.
We manipulate, but we won't be manipulated. We become wounded when someone won't let us control them. We remember every hurtful word said to us but can't remember the ones we said. We gossip but get angry when we're gossiped about. We enable the very behaviors we want to end. We fail others just as they fail us. Yet when we feel hurt, we find a way to dodge ownership by focusing more on what was done to us than what we've done.
Of course there are things that happen to us that we have no control over. Abusive, painful and murderous acts happen everywhere and they are never okay. We can't control the hearts of others. We can't make them do right by us or even love us. But we won't have to answer for their hearts. We answer for our own.
Whether you stay bound or not is partly your own choice. You can choose to own your part and forgive. But it also takes a relationship with the only One who can set you free. You can't embrace your healer with clenched fists. You have to surrender everything and receive His love with arms wide open. He can bear your pain and He stands waiting. He can empower you to forgive but healing must begin with ownership, not blame. Are you ready to do what it takes?
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