The Right Way To Love

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I Peter 4:8

 

Too often we love others so that or because they love us. Sometimes, without realizing it, we claim to love others but use our affection and feelings as a form of manipulation, dangling our love around as a tool to get what WE want. I think most of us either have or still do live in a pattern like this simply because we don't know what love really is. Perhaps we've never seen it modeled. Maybe we don’t practice real love because we’re naturally self absorbed. I think it's both. 

 

Agape is the way God loves. It is perfect and unconditional and it's the standard of love in which we’re called to. Agape love always seeks what's best for the other person – not what's merely comfortable for us. True love requires courage and wisdom because it requires bold acts of vulnerability and honesty. It require faith in the Master of love Himself to use our sacrifices of love to change everyone involved. 

Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Therefore, agape love also seeks to help others grow, not stay stagnant. We're supposed to help one another and encourage each other along. Perfect love isn’t people pleasing, but it isn't rude either. It is rarely ever black and white, but more often grey. It is backed by pure, unselfish motives. God always looks at the heart. If there is the slightest motive to control or manipulate or if we let fear quench love in the least bit, it’s not agape love.

 

Accountability is necessary for growth. Grace is always necessary for intimacy. But if we can't accept these things for ourselves, we won't be able to give them out. If we don't commune with God personally, we'll never know perfect love enough to live it or give it. The learning process has to start between us and God before we can truly impact our communities.

Perfect love also takes responsibility for our own feelings and uses wisdom to know where we end and another person’s responsibility begins. It helps us to see beyond ourselves and into the whole picture. Until we stop looking for someone to blame every time we feel pain, we’re going to cause unnecessary pain to others and we're going to have distance in all our relationships.  

 

Jesus was always open and honest. He didn’t go around telling others what they wanted to hear, but what they needed to hear. He lovingly sought edification for those around Him. He loved courageously, not leaving out those who hurt Him. He loved unconditionally, regardless of the amount of money they had or sins they committed. His love was and still is a love that holds us accountable and gives us grace all at the same time. Because agape love always offers a choice.

Anything less than agape love is not real love. Its a mere facade of love, pushing people away and causing pain and division. As long as we try to subsitute real love with the imitation, our lives are going to reflect a lack of grace and accountability. Our hearts will stay restless and our relationships will suffer. How do I know? Well, I am having to relearn love as I once knew it and it's changing every aspect of my life.