There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18
For years I had these dreams of being held hostage. The dreams would bring out the fear inside and impact me for days sometimes, but I never realized that the Lord may be showing me something about the state of my own heart. I brushed the dreams off as a weird coincidence because I didn’t know any better. You see, I dismissed all things “charismatic” as showy and strange: therefore I dismissed a lot of things God was saying to me about over the years. If it seemed illogical or made me feel weird or uncomfortable in any way, I avoided it. Hence, my life reflected fear and bondage for so long. I will turn 40 this year, and it wasn’t until the past few years that I have been giving the ways of God more relevance in my life, willing to see and understand things differently than I once did.
So, now, let’s get back to my dream.
A few months ago, I was having supper with two of my friends after God’s own heart. They were discussing their own dreams and their meanings and then one used the term “theme dream”. Because I trust these two women and because they have both taught me so much about the Lord already, I was open to hearing more. I felt compelled to share my dream with them. Neither of them told me what it meant, but assured me it had a spiritual meaning. Both of these dear ladies encouraged me to seek the Lord’s message in it. And so I did.
As I sought the meaning of these dreams, the Lord showed me that the fear was symbolic of the state of my heart. And my being held hostage was symbolic of how I saw myself helpless and stuck. I was afraid to do so many things, afraid to be me, afraid to reach out, afraid to be vulnerable and love like Jesus. Fear had led my life for so long that I naturally made decisions out of fear. I kept people at bay and I tried to “fix” those closest to me. I did everything I could to make their lives comfortable so that they would love me. I was afraid to take risks and because of the fear, I didn’t enjoy life. I was codependent. But I didn't see these things in myself until a fee years ago.
Last night, I had another one of these theme dreams. My family and I were being held hostage, but this time some family members were murdered in the process. There were even more villains. Sounds scary huh? I had plenty of reasons to be afraid, but despite the circumstances, I reacted out of courage. The rest of my dream was spent taking risks, coming out in the open and trying to find ways to get us free. I didn’t stop trying no matter what obstacles I came across. The dream ended before we were finally free and at first thought seemed like just another odd dream. But then I heard the Lord say, “Did you notice that you weren’t afraid? You were courageous.” BAM, He made the connection for me, showing me that He is teaching me to live in the freedom He has called me into. I didn’t hide behind walls and I actually did something, unlike in my previous dreams.
Isn’t it just like our God, to be so kind as to pull us forward? When we draw near to Him and begin truly following Him, He puts yearnings in our hearts to break free and overcome our fears. And He offers plenty of opportunities for us to conquer them by facing them head-on. He loves us too much to let fear cripple us. He calls us to get up and walk, to live every day fully, to keep moving forward and to tell others of His miracles. He calls us out of the boat and into some deep places.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
Fear does not come from God. I think it’s important that we recognize that as an important truth upon which to build our foundation. And so, it’s important to be aware of our feelings and senses so that we can call things what they are and move forward in freedom. Freedom requires some kind of fight, but God will give us the provision of strength. We have to start by believing Him.
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