He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5
I have wrestled with God a lot lately, and one recent morning I wrestled my longest bout without a break. There was nothing to distract me from what is going on inside me and so, as it began to come out I began to struggle. And God invited me to talk it through with Him because He understands.
It's easy to love people when you don't need anything from them. But since we're all human, we are all going to need something from the people around us at some point. We're made for community. When we begin to need things from others and yet we don't get it, we can easily veer in the direction of quitting - stopping ourselves from showing them anymore love. But true love doesn't quit and that is where following Jesus gets tricky.
It's hard to stay put when we aren't getting the pouring into that we desire. It's hard accepting that people may never give us what we have given them. The first thought we think is, "Okay, I will stop doing for them, giving to them, loving them."
But true love, Jesus' kind of love doesn't stop when we stop getting. True love doesn't reflect the actions of those being loved - it leads. It persists in the face of pain and loneliness. It moves on even when nothing but hate or apathy stares it in the face. It moves on when feelings aren't there and devotes to those who so often never reciprocate. True love isn't pretty and it isn't easy; it is flat out blood, sweat and tears.
God reminded me of Jeremiah and Jonah and how they felt about those around them. They were so discouraged by the selfishness of those around them and I wouldn't be surprised if Jeremiah ever wanted to flee like Jonah did. Jonah eventually did as he was told. But then I realize if Jeremiah had fled Israel, God wouldn't have used his mouth to convict the people there. Yes, many of them just grew angry at him but some did have their eyes opened and accepted the conviction as a means to change.
Jesus also suffered heartbreak and pain. He didn't turn around and shoot the middle finger at the Pharisees or snub them. They frustrated him to no end with their legalism and religion but He kept doing what He was called to and answered their questions boldly, but honestly. He had a heart for the tax collectors and prostitutes even though He knew their self destructive tendencies. He loved Judas even though He knew he would betray Him. He loves each of us, knowing our inclination to get distracted, to commit idolatry and to quit. Thus I I am reminded of my own short-comings before God when I think about the things people do to disappoint me.
Focusing on the shortcoming of humanity is one sure way to become depressed. This is where He reminds me to RE fix my eyes on Him. For if godly love gives up, what is love but unstable and untrustworthy.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
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