Boundary Lines

As I journey through the boundaries course, it's growing me. I am learning that I can maintain my peace without being drug around by the storms around me. I can have someone very upset with me in a very controversial situation and still manage to have self control without partaking in unhealthy responses or in fear. I can maintain a calm and respectful tone while keeping a firm handle on my boundaries and stance. I can say "No, you can't treat me like this" to those I love dearly while modeling what that treatment should look like by how I treat them as I reply. I can set firm restrictions on what will and will not be done within my property lines and actually follow through.

I'm growing, but I am not perfect. I do not have this nailed down like a hurricane is on it's way, believe me. But this growth is significant for me.

I used to talk myself out of these things because I had been convinced 1. The behavior and thoughts of others steered mine 2. I had no control over how people treated me and 3. it was unChristlike to set these limits.

Boy, was I wrong. As I revisit this stuff, I realize, this is what we are called to do, not to be a bunch of codependent enablers who whine to God about a person as we continue to enable their behavior while preventing them from facing true consequences. "God, please help them to see the light. Oh wait, I have made sure they won't. They are comfy in their actions." Of course He allows us to face consequences for our actions, so why do we protect others?

Many marriages and relationships fail because of poor boundaries on one or both sides. Many times people believe they ought to be able to trample all over a person's property lines but this isn't scriptural. We are each responsible for our own happiness and peace, our own heart, our own relationship with God and others. If we don't protect our boundary lines and guard what we let in, it will impact those things. We may also let out some of the good things as well.

We have to stop finger pointing, pick the responsibility for ourselves up off the floor and carry it. Yes, we need help with our burdens from time to time, but we cannot live our lives blaming others for what we have allowed to trample our fences and destroy our crops. We cannot steal the crops of others either. IF they offer it, so be it, but we ought not live our lives eating the crops of others without offering others some of ours as well. Therefore, we must guard and nurture what's inside our property lines well. Boundaries are important in order to live fruitful lives.

If you feel fruitless, start by examining your boundary system.Are you mostly either a giver or a taker? Do you have trouble with the word "no"? Are you a people pleaser?

Listen to me when I say this - You are loved by God even when things don't go your way, even when you say no to others, even when they are mad at you. Your value doesn't change based on how often you get your way or give others theirs. Start by reminding yourself of that! Be patient with yourself as you journey through learning how to do this because change is a process. Habits are hard to break and new ones take time to form. He loves you as messy as you are now. He loves you right where you are.