A Deeper Deliverance

19 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble;
He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions.
21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness,
And for His wonders to the sons of men! 

Psalm 107:19-21

I sat at the table listening to my son voice his heartbreak. "I don't understand why she is mean to me, Mom. I do these nice things for her and she still doesn't like me." And I knew exactly how he felt. I spent much of my life looking for affirmation and approval. But God has also been gracious enough to me to teach me truths on this matter that I still have to consciously practice. It broke my heart for him that he was struggling with these things. But in order for him to be stronger, wiser and to keep loving courageously, he needed me to teach him some truths. He also had to accept them in his own heart and mind for himself. 

While talking to my son, I was reminded that although I've come this far, I have quite a ways to go. We are all at different points, but none of us have arrived. After he left the room I found myself praying, "Lord, make us all well. We need you to continually make us well." 

God heals - we know that right? But many of us have rarely experienced the healing we're seeking- healing from physical ailments and disease. Cancer and disease are excruciating and these bodies are dealt many sufferings. But even when we're healed physically from those diseases and ailments, we have a tendency to live like the same ol' person. We have the same destructive and selfish mindsets that keep us miserable deep down. It is good to want physical healing, but there are also deeper things that need to be touched within us than those things that ache the flesh. 

We are rarely so desperate as to pray for healing for our faulty mindsets and impure hearts. We yearn to live, but rarely put forth the same amount effort into living a joyous life that we put in to seeking physical healing and obtaining stuff. We make up our minds on issues based on our own biases, and we wonder why we spend so much of our lives in anger, resentment and misery. Those things we ignore and excuse away in ourselves are the very things that keep us bound. They are the emotional and spiritual blindfolds that we refuse to take off.   

His way is not like ours. He wants what is truly best for us, and what is best for us is something we rarely know the answer to. That is why we need Him. We need Him to continually walk with us and make us well. We need for Him to show us the right way, but we have to be willing to learn. We have a lot of junk in there that needs to be dealt with, but unless we walk with Him, we'll never know how. 

A Courageous Calling

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18

 

For years I had these dreams of being held hostage. The dreams would bring out the fear inside and impact me for days sometimes, but I never realized that the Lord may be showing me something about the state of my own heart. I brushed the dreams off as a weird coincidence because I didn’t know any better.  You see, I dismissed all things “charismatic” as showy and strange: therefore I dismissed a lot of things God was saying to me about over the years. If it seemed illogical or made me feel weird or uncomfortable in any way, I avoided it. Hence, my life reflected fear and bondage for so long. I will turn 40 this year, and it wasn’t until the past few years that I have been giving the ways of God more relevance in my life, willing to see and understand things differently than I once did. 

 

So, now, let’s get back to my dream.

 

A few months ago, I was having supper with two of my friends after God’s own heart. They were discussing their own dreams and their meanings and then one used the term “theme dream”. Because I trust these two women and because they have both taught me so much about the Lord already, I was open to hearing more. I felt compelled to share my dream with them. Neither of them told me what it meant, but assured me it had a spiritual meaning. Both of these dear ladies encouraged me to seek the Lord’s message in it. And so I did.  

 

As I sought the meaning of these dreams, the Lord showed me that the fear was symbolic of the state of my heart. And my being held hostage was symbolic of how I saw myself helpless and stuck. I was afraid to do so many things, afraid to be me, afraid to reach out, afraid to be vulnerable and love like Jesus. Fear had led my life for so long that I naturally made decisions out of fear. I kept people at bay and I tried to “fix” those closest to me. I did everything I could to make their lives comfortable so that they would love me. I was afraid to take risks and because of the fear, I didn’t enjoy life. I was codependent. But I didn't see these things in myself until a fee years ago. 

 

Last night, I had another one of these theme dreams. My family and I were being held hostage, but this time some family members were murdered in the process. There were even more villains. Sounds scary huh? I had plenty of reasons to be afraid, but despite the circumstances, I reacted out of courage. The rest of my dream was spent taking risks, coming out in the open and trying to find ways to get us free. I didn’t stop trying no matter what obstacles I came across. The dream ended before we were finally free and at first thought seemed like just another odd dream. But then I heard the Lord say, “Did you notice that you weren’t afraid? You were courageous.” BAM, He made the connection for me, showing me that He is teaching me to live in the freedom He has called me into. I didn’t hide behind walls and I actually did something, unlike in my previous dreams.

 

Isn’t it just like our God, to be so kind as to pull us forward? When we draw near to Him and begin truly following Him, He puts yearnings in our hearts to break free and overcome our fears. And He offers plenty of opportunities for us to conquer them by facing them head-on. He loves us too much to let fear cripple us. He calls us to get up and walk, to live every day fully, to keep moving forward and to tell others of His miracles. He calls us out of the boat and into some deep places.

 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7

 

Fear does not come from God. I think it’s important that we recognize that as an important truth upon which to build our foundation. And so, it’s important to be aware of our feelings and senses so that we can call things what they are and move forward in freedom. Freedom requires some kind of fight, but God will give us the provision of strength. We have to start by believing Him. 

 

Purely Broken

What are broken things, if not things for God to heal?

What are challenges, if not opportunities to grow?

What are valleys, if not proof that there are mountains?

 

I am a verbal processor. Talking things out helps me to understand what I’m feeling and what’s happening around me. During a recent conversation with someone I love, I saw in myself a sense of fear towards him. It had been there for quite some time and I had plenty of reasons for it. But that fear had affected my ability to love like Christ; it drew me into hiding, not into light. And honestly, I forgot that it was there. By staying in that place I wasn't allowing room for the person and the relationship to grow, which are things I have long prayed for. And the Holy Spirit said to me, “If it weren’t for broken things, you would never know my endless ability to heal anything.” 

 

He is so right! The biggest challenges in my life have been the things God has used to draw me closer and pull down my walls. They are things He has inevitably used to change my heart and mend my wounds. It's sort of strange, isn't it, that something that is so painful can also be healing. The hardest moments have become the ones where I find myself closest to Him, loved unconditionally and absolutely safe with His Spirit. They have led to better sight and a cleaner heart - but not without some hard work and humility. I needed, and still do, to have my thought system challenged and my true heart revealed. There are so many things in the human heart that get buried over the years, and they don't all get uncovered overnight. 

That’s the beauty of this journey we get to take with Jesus – we’re never stuck. We don’t have to live in bondage to the things that are killing our Spirits. And we don't have to claim our worst traits as our identity. We get to keep moving forward in freedom, freedom to change without all the heavy junk and excuses we make. 

When we stop pointing fingers and making excuses, we're in the best position for change - surrender. Our calling, as believers, is continual growth that makes our hearts cleaner and our love more like His. His words to me recently say it best, " Those who do not think they need change need it most."

 

The Right Way To Love

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I Peter 4:8

 

Too often we love others so that or because they love us. Sometimes, without realizing it, we claim to love others but use our affection and feelings as a form of manipulation, dangling our love around as a tool to get what WE want. I think most of us either have or still do live in a pattern like this simply because we don't know what love really is. Perhaps we've never seen it modeled. Maybe we don’t practice real love because we’re naturally self absorbed. I think it's both. 

 

Agape is the way God loves. It is perfect and unconditional and it's the standard of love in which we’re called to. Agape love always seeks what's best for the other person – not what's merely comfortable for us. True love requires courage and wisdom because it requires bold acts of vulnerability and honesty. It require faith in the Master of love Himself to use our sacrifices of love to change everyone involved. 

Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Therefore, agape love also seeks to help others grow, not stay stagnant. We're supposed to help one another and encourage each other along. Perfect love isn’t people pleasing, but it isn't rude either. It is rarely ever black and white, but more often grey. It is backed by pure, unselfish motives. God always looks at the heart. If there is the slightest motive to control or manipulate or if we let fear quench love in the least bit, it’s not agape love.

 

Accountability is necessary for growth. Grace is always necessary for intimacy. But if we can't accept these things for ourselves, we won't be able to give them out. If we don't commune with God personally, we'll never know perfect love enough to live it or give it. The learning process has to start between us and God before we can truly impact our communities.

Perfect love also takes responsibility for our own feelings and uses wisdom to know where we end and another person’s responsibility begins. It helps us to see beyond ourselves and into the whole picture. Until we stop looking for someone to blame every time we feel pain, we’re going to cause unnecessary pain to others and we're going to have distance in all our relationships.  

 

Jesus was always open and honest. He didn’t go around telling others what they wanted to hear, but what they needed to hear. He lovingly sought edification for those around Him. He loved courageously, not leaving out those who hurt Him. He loved unconditionally, regardless of the amount of money they had or sins they committed. His love was and still is a love that holds us accountable and gives us grace all at the same time. Because agape love always offers a choice.

Anything less than agape love is not real love. Its a mere facade of love, pushing people away and causing pain and division. As long as we try to subsitute real love with the imitation, our lives are going to reflect a lack of grace and accountability. Our hearts will stay restless and our relationships will suffer. How do I know? Well, I am having to relearn love as I once knew it and it's changing every aspect of my life. 

Peace Uninterrupted

...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 

Philippians 4:11

The gift of Christ is as much about getting to know our Creator as it is about being forgiven. His  forgiveness is a grand invitation to draw near and trust Him with what's both inside and outside of us. Jesus, with His great love, woos us to let down our walls and loosen our grips to everything else we have ahold of. And like any other relationship, the bond grows as we experience both good and bad times together.  But unlike any other relationship, this process teaches us that our God is our one constant. 

This year my family has endured a lot. I had surgery. I nearly lost my husband to an illness. My son broke his hand. I was diagnosed with Meniere's. And then we found out my dad's cancer has come back. Each step of the way has it's challenges, just like any of your struggles. I was amazed, but not surprised, at the peace and strength He gave me through it all. But I was also surprised to find that I still had to battle the temptation to become discouraged. I had to fight to keep my peace but the Holy Spirit equipped me to fight by breathing encouragement into me. 

It's so easy when something hard happens to focus on the one hard thing and lose sight of the many good things around us. Even when Jesus is standing with us, holding us and whispering to us, our natural inclination is to focus on the struggle. But I'm learning that with great peace comes a great responsibility to fight to keep it. 

I'll admit that resting is not easy for me; I have to intentionally practice it. I want to fix things. I want to accomplish things. I've always been naturally high strung but prolonged exposure to Jesus is changing that about me. I'm pleasantly surprised to find myself avoiding stress and clinging hard to the peace I have been introduced to. I know I could have never been this way on my own. His peace is becoming my new norm and I want to stay here no matter what I face.  I finally believe it's possible. 

Being content in all circumstances is hard...we can't attain this on our own because we're wired to crave the security that only our Creator can provide. But even as He offers it, He wants us to intentionally go there and resist letting everything that happens disrupt our peace. 

The Master Compass

For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now His commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. And who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. 1John 5:3-5

We humans have this dangerous yearning for independence within us. No matter our personality, we all seem to veer off onto our own path, determined to go our own way in life. And no matter how hard we try to be independent pioneers, we wind up following in someone else's footsteps in some way or another. We can fool ourselves into thinking otherwise, but our biggest choice in life is, "Who do I follow?" 

This world offers us a variety of ideas and paths, many of which proclaim to be "wise." But when tested, they prove to be mere traps, keeping us stuck in sin and misery. They are mere counterfeits of the truth, yet generation after generation we keep taking the bait. Bondage isn't anything new; it has been taking humans captive since Eve bit into the apple. And it doesn't seem that much has changed since then other than technology. 

When are we going to stop pursuing every way but God's? When will we be sick of the torment and run from it like the plague? Is it possible to endlessly seek God and only Him? My own heart yearns for Him and His direction but I also know how easily I veer off track. I'm like a toddler in a room with a hot stove, bath tub full of water, electrical outlets on every side and lots of things to stick into them. I am bound to do something really stupid, so I am ever thankful for the direction of God.

Scripture tells us that there is one way and one truth. Anything contradictory is a lie. We've got to pursue that endlessly even when our flesh fights tooth and nail. We may not always succeed but, because of the faith it takes to try and try again, there is a victory every time we go against anything in pursuit of God.  Of course, God has an abundance of grace. But He also gives us the gift of courage when we step out in obedience and faith to do what He wants, His way. Even better, He gives us the gifts of His Holy Spirit for guidance and spiritual survival skills. 

Never Forget

For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. The person who lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has forgotten the cleansing from his past sins. 2 Peter 1:8-9

In his letter, Peter directs us how to proceed on this journey as a follower of Jesus; faith is an absolute must when walking the path to freedom in Christ. Through faith, we've given the ability to overcome and endure. As we grow in faith, there should be fruit to prove it. The end result will be full freedom from bondage of fear, shame, lies and spiritual blindness - but it's a process. It's a process, though, that we don't have to wait until heaven to begin to see results with. In order to begin and stay with the process, Peter emphasizes that we must stay awake. 

What does it mean to stay awake? It obviously doesn't mean we should never let our flesh rest again. Verse nine fills us in. One who falls asleep "has forgotten the cleansing from his past sins."  The result of such forgetfulness is no minor ordeal. It hinders our fruit-producing and causes us to become useless in terms of the mission we've been assigned.

So then, to stay awake requires intentionality to remember what's been done for us and to extend mercies like the ones that have been extended to us.  We must reflect goodness, knowledge, self control, endurance, godliness, brotherly affection and love. And all of those things describe who Jesus is and ways He loves us. He understands us and is generous enough to share His inheritance with us. And our actions toward others should reflect a heart like His.

Notice though, that Peter began this same letter by reminding the church who we are in Christ. I can't help but conclude that if we're going to finish the race, it's important to remember who we are in Him. Therefore, never forget that you are no longer who you once were; you've been redefined as a child of God. You have new abilities and a precious inheritance. Forgiveness has removed your shame and freedom is your destiny. Never forget that. Keep your spiritual eyes open and watch Him work. You'll never get bored.